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Looks like I may have a ton of these, so this is collection 1 of Reflections |
Update: Check out:
What I feel I should have said to my friend this past Sunday while we rode in the car. What I wanted to say but couldn't put into words quick enough.... "I think it's ok to laugh at your own pain. That's not to say you shouldn't seek help in resolving your issues with therapy and all that. But life is pain, and if you're not laughing you're crying. Who wants to cry all the time?" A good friend opened up to me this weekend about abuse they suffered for many years. I may elaborate more on that in a private entry to protect the innocent. What I want to reflect on here is my role as a friend and supporter. It can be really hard to find that equal ground, what is and is not acceptable to speak with them about is different for each victim. Obviously the friend trusts you as they would not have opened up to you in the first place. That's great, first hurdle successful, but it's just the beginning of the race. Now to find the supportive line between bringing it up too much and not addressing it enough. My immature (meaning not very developed as of yet) thoughts on the matter: Don't speak much during the initial recounting - Let them get it all out, it likely took them a lot of soul searching and courage to decide to divulge their deepest darkest secret to you, respect their decision and encourage them to get it all out, as much as they are comfortable sharing. Reflect - don't feel the need to say too much too quickly, you may not be prepared for this sort of information, unless you have a history or close association to another victim yourself you likely aren't sure exactly what to say or do, don't panic, you can always learn and it may surprise you how simply being yourself is the biggest help, after all they chose to tell you for a reason; let them know 'I don't have a lot of experience with this, but I am here for you. How can I best support you?' Offer your support and services - If you are comfortable, feel free to let your friend know that you are there for them no matter what, if they need to talk, want you to accompany them to a therapy session, or just want to hang out; whatever you feel you can offer, offer it, just make sure you are willing and able to follow through, many of us have trust issues and you can safely assume this friend is no different and likely has strong aversions to relying on others, don't feed this insecurity with false and empty promises Don't treat them any different - You may find yourself at times wanting to pity the abused individual, this is dangerous. They do not want to be seen as weak or fragile. It's ok to approach the subject lightly while you gauge their interest in discussing it but when it comes to every day routine, keep it just that, routine. One of my reviewers said it best: I would repeat this about a hundred times. Survivors often have a difficult time viewing themselves as the same valuable and worthwhile individuals they were before the trauma began. Sometimes the illusion of normality is the sole straw a person is clinging to to keep it all together. Let a person know that nothing has changed. Follow up - This is the hardest and most difficult part for me in that I'm not entirely sure how to approach it. Everyone is different, your friend may have just wanted to get the history off their chest and sharing was a one time thing until they are comfortable bringing it up again. Knowing your friend and picking an appropriate time to ask how comfortable they are discussing the abuse is key to beginning this step. If they don't want to discuss it further than leave it alone until they broach the subject again themselves. If they are comfortable discussing it more than feel free to relay your thoughts and opinions in an honest but sensitive manner. If you come across articles or messages that pertain to the situation share them with your friend. Make it a point to periodically ask how they are doing and how things are going, don't make it a daily thing, maybe not even a weekly thing, let them set the pace for high frequency discussions on the topic. Finally, just be there. At the end of the day that's all any of us can do. In order to support you must be present. ------------------ WDC Items/Testimonies
Invalid Review  ------------------ Articles: http://1in6.org/ http://www.writing.com/main/redirect.php?redirect_url=http://www.something-fishy.o... http://theconversation.edu.au/time-to-talk-about-male-survivors-of-sexual-abuse-... http://www.jayblessed.com/2012/07/20/gay-in-the-caribbean-denise-continues-her-s... http://dmvillasana.blogspot.com/ http://www.richardgartner.com/about.html http://www.richardgartner.com/BeyondBetrayal12.html http://www.helpandhealing.org/male%20victims.htm http://malesurvivor.org/ http://articles.timesofindia.indiatimes.com/2012-09-07/health/33676100_1_sexual-... http://www.mentalhealthy.co.uk/addiction/sex-addiction Random come across: http://ohnotheydidnt.livejournal.com/62053632.html http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-21411304 |
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