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 |   GI100 Book #2...random attempts at poetry. |
6-3-17  Hybrid Turtle gave up trying to outrun his shell. The urge to coast on his coattails of that legendary victory over Maserati Hare proved to be the bigger challenge than the race itself. He went back to the garage knowing he couldn't rely on the laziness and tough-talking insults of his childhood rival and so he began tinkering... he took some old parts from long-forgotten electronics of the past: some gears from a walkman, the laser from a CD player, and a bunch of pocketwatches from a discarded trenchcoat. With the help of Welder Streetrat and The Owl formerly known as Strung Out, they set out to remake Hybrid Turtle. Maserati Hare was convinced his loss was a fluke; 99 out of 100 times he was sure he'd prevail. Parked on his couch, he tapped out an email challenging Hybrid Turtle to an ultimate rematch: "Winner takes all! Control over our vast parkland!" The turtle and his pals just smirked, and responded with "OK". Satisfied, Maserati Hare clicked open the PornHare tab on this laptop and furiously began training, as they say, "like rabbits". The new machinery was helping, but Hybrid Turtle was not impressed. "I have an idea!" shouted the Formerly Strung Out Owl, "What if you ran on batteries? Solar-powered?" "That's genius!" Welder Streetrat and Hybrid Turtle proclaimed. The owl took to smashing his calculators (he was used to scrapping parts for cash, when he needed a fix) and the rat took to assembling the pieces to work in conjunction with Hybrid Turtle. On the day of the race, the newly-mechanical turtle showed up early with his pit crew in tow. "When will the sun come out?" yelled The Formerly Strung Out Owl, at no one in particular. They nervously paced until Maserati Hare showed up at five minutes before the starting gun was due to go off. "You ladies ready to do this?" he sneered as he stubbed out his cigarette. The contestants lined up and with a *BANG* they went. As Hybrid Turtle struggled to get off to a good start, Maserati Hare exploded from the line and jumped out to a big lead. "You can't catch me, and I'm taking no breaks this time!" The turtle was pushing himself with all his might...you could see smoke emanating from under his shell, caused by the gears being taxed to their limits. Sometimes the hare would circle back around to taunt his rival and when he noticed the solar panels on the flipped-up hatch of shell he paused briefly in an attempt to contain his laughter. "See? Climate Change is a hoax!" and off he bolted toward the finish line. One last turn had Maserati Hare out to a sizable- perhaps insurmountable- lead. He took a look back to check his distance as the sun roared out over the horizon. The glare off Hybrid Turtle's solar panels caught the mouthy hare deep in his retinas, burning them to a shriveled mass of truth. Stunned, he veered off the runners' trail and onto the tracks of the train carrying the very last shipments of coal leaving the town's shuttered mines. He couldn't see them coming, and he didn't feel a thing. Energized by the arrival of sunlight, Hybrid Turtle found a new gear and beamed as he crossed the finish line. All the parkland creatures cheered. "Covfefe!" they screamed in unison, which is Universal Animal Language-ese for "Stupid rabbit...science is for real!" Hybrid Turtle turned to his closest friends and said "Thank you... I couldn't have done this without you and The Paris Agreement." His only regret was that Maserati Hare would no longer be around to truly see the errors of his ways. |
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