Complex Numbers

Fashionating

PROMPT January 12th

What fashion trend makes you cringe or laugh every time you see it? Have you ever wanted to design your own clothing or accessory? What would you design and what features would it have?

Ha! Like I know anything about fashion.

I mean, I am the proud owner of this badge:

But that was a joke presented to me as a joke for a joke.

Now, there are some things that I know are major fashion no-nos, like... um...

I dunno.

Socks with sandals! There. I know one fashion fail.

I'll tell you what I consider the height of fashion, though. My going-out ensemble. This consists of:

A pair of black Levis, regardless of season or temperature. Though sometimes when it's hot I'll substitute a pair of shorts. Men in their 50s shouldn't wear shorts, but men in their 50s also quit giving a shit about what they shouldn't be wearing -- hence why older guys are often seen wearing socks with sandals.

A pair of Birkenstocks (sans socks) -- also regardless of temperature. I've worn these in single-digit weather, outdoors, albeit only for a few minutes. If I go hiking, I'll wear hiking boots, but I'm not going hiking, so Birks it is.

A t-shirt, preferably black. Usually featuring a beer or brewery, or perhaps a musician. Though the one in my portfolio picture is a mashup of Jeff Bridges as The Dude and whatshisname from Tron 2.

An aloha shirt. Because, dammit, Hawaiian shirts are cool and they will never be not cool.

A hat, because fuck you. And not one of those redneck baseball caps, either. Especially not a red one, and definitely not worn with the bill facing backwards like a douchebag.

When the temperature drops below about 54F, a full-length black leather trench coat and a scarf.

I'm fully aware that the combination of a full-length trench and scarf, along with Birkenstock sandals with my toes peeking out, is ridiculous. See the above bullet point about being in my 50s and not giving a shit.

What fashion makes me laugh every time I see it?

Tacti-cool gear. Like what a lot of those shitheads were wearing during the attempted coup on the 6th. Especially -- and I'm not shaming here; we all have our struggles -- but especially if you're overweight; then it becomes military cosplay. (Mad Minotaur Guy, though; sure, he's a deranged lunatic, a terrorist and a traitor, but dude has some fashion sense. It's almost too bad he won't get to express that in prison.)

Yeah, that's right. I just talked about politics in a post about fashion. Deal with it.

But anyway, no, I have neither the desire nor the capability of designing my own line of clothing. if I did, though, it would be something with a lot of pockets, because otherwise I'd have to wear a belt pouch to carry all the different spectacles that I find myself needing at my advanced age, and that would just be wrong.