My World in Imagination

Introduction Social life of Autism

After dealing with things and the busy hectic life there after Christmas I decided to come back. For the most part it was nothing severe. Mostly it was just a fear that I really did not know how politics would affect online writing. I am such a free spirited young dragon. I am one that is small, wingless, and covered with fur from head to toe. I suppose you could call me a babyfur if that helps explain it. Primarily I am just a playful young spirited thing. My desire is none other then to be faithful, to have a heart that is agope love, and to be teachable regaurdless of what culture thinks. I have a deep spiritual passion to be a child of God.

The God of Moses, of Abraham, and of Isaac. Who elese? That is my father in heaven. A loving intity that comforts me in my time of need. Keep in mind Mathew 17 and 18. Also if considering 1 Corinthians 13 its the chapter in its entirety. There is so much meaning in verse 11. I find it sad how people will make it so cheap. Like little children they hold onto those bad habits that hold them back. They become faithless and dead to what it really means to be a child of God the most high. Sometimes you have to become a mere child in order to remove those shameful child like habits that hold you back. Sometimes in order to learn you have to have a playful youthful spirit.

In life I do use attachment objects such as a plushy or an adult sized pacifier, but by no means do these things define me. I just prefer something that is clean instead of always having a pencil, tooth pick, or any other oral item in my mouth. My anxiety causes me to clamp my jaw sometimes to the point the oral object what ever it may be to the point of bleeding. Only when I taste blood do I realize my anxiety has consumed me. I snap out of it with the bitter taste of depression. Just because I may use things that are soft and comforting does not mean I make an idol out of child like objects. It simply means I prefer something soft instead of something that bruises me or causes my mouth to blead from squezzing so hard. My calling in art and writing is so vivid that its impossible for me to be mentally sane if I don't admit to God that this is my expression. My autism makes people run away and I suppose the "oger" feeling gets difficult. "They take one look at me and yell 'Ahhhh ogre,' they judge me even before they get to know me."

I do have friends. I just have a very hard time understanding how to work with social cues. Perhaps the hardest part about autism is not being able to adequatly express myself vocally without being a pest. You get me in a room with some one who is an artist or an electronics geek and it works out rather well. Although keeping things comfortable for us both is not easy. Anxiety as well as the accedental monologue I get into has made social life difficult. Yet, when I simply become a mere child I can self regulate everything. It only takes a day of spending my time in this imaginitive world and I am ten times easier to be around then I would be otherwise. At least from my perception people seem a lot more relaxed around me when I had time being my Little Lily. He is after all a big part of my life and my life in art/writing.