Porthole

ssseptember 19 -20 [13+]

19 septembre

50 degrees at 10-ish. Rain today and some wind. Grumpy skies.

I'm thinking of changing my ratings for most of my items [4 are now 13+ including this one]. I've rated 18+ to keep the kiddies away but apparently it keeps away adults as well. There is the assumption that anything 18+ has 'bad' language. After thousands of entries I can assure people that that is not the case for me; but... people don't click on the entry and don't comment to the content of the entry, preferring to attack me or how I have set things up. So... I should change that if I expect my writings to be read.

I will use YA content for 13+. That means that topics like rape, incest, murder, suicide, assault may be dealt with, just like they are on the public library shelf. It also means that I will not up the rating when I question religious dogma, institutional racism, blatant xenophobia, nativist community-gating, aggressive nationalism. That that may offend someone is not-my-problem.

This is NOT bookface, twatter or ticky-tack. I don't need to call you names to call you out. When I share my opinions, that's what there are, opinions. I do not have the resources to delve into the facts like full time journalists. I do not have the mental prowess of Turkey DrumStik nor the energy of Schnujo's Doing NaNoWriMo?, the consistency of Robert Waltz nor the talent of iKïyå§ama, the creative chaos of ~Brian K Compton~, the supportive gestures of Shadow Prowler-Spreading Love.

I'm very much an Eclectic. I glean and gather from personal experiences and the experiences of others. Since I daydream and dissociate, my writings have a sense of fantasy to them and since I hear what I see, my prose waxes poetic. I'm an orb-weaver weaving my autumn web. That said, I'll try to keep my blog entries real with 'I' statements and try not to second guess the intentions and thoughts of others. Which means... I have work to do.

Still, if I have mis-characterized someone, they should call-me-out. However, that means I can call-you-back. The result might be an actual conversation, something that many here on WDC try to avoid. That's not speculation, by-the-way. They have stated so directly. They follow the taboos: no drugs, no sex, no bad-language, no anger, no questioning. They characterize WDC as a place to avoid reality. This is their time-out site; how dare I drag them out of their comfort zone.

But some of us live in a Reality that is killing us, and thoughts-and-prayers ring hollow when we do not feel we can speak up, speak out and share what is bothering us. For some of us it's been a lifetime of silence as no place is ever safe.

~440 words to this point

Added at 3:42 EDT. My edited response to a gracious email: "A very lovely response. Thank-you.

Some of us in pain want validation. Some folks have difficulty even ackowledging my pain (my friend Joyce had that difficulty). If I think of ... as 'dear Joyce' it'll help me remember that pain is still there, ... just have a different "pain managemant plan".

Finding folks who want to converse is difficult. Many of my blogs have been just daily observations of life. But... no one reads those either. Back-in-the-day, they did! A bit like 30dbc but without prompts. I no longer officially participate there as half of the prompts don't apply to me and a few trigger traumas. But... I do read many of the responses and almost always comment. Most bloggers there and elsewhere do not reciprocate, haven't for years.

Y'know... I do write children's stories, but mostly poems, some short stories, and last year flash. Most of what I write is 13+ or lower. Most do not deal with taboos. I seldom use 'bad language'. Except when I blog. Blogging for me is not an exercise in fantasy. I do have two blogs where I stash most of my poetry and prose. But Blogville, like JAFBG, allows me to deal with ongoing 'emotional assault' by a culture that doesn't want me to exist. I feel it here as well. When I do speak up I'm shunned (it does no good to name names).

Maybe lowering the blog ratings to 13+ will help. Maybe making the ratings on every entry clear will help as well. Most are no more than 13+ as is. Maybe "depression alert" or "anger alert" will help. Shutting up is suicidal so I need to find other ways to connect."

20 septembre

46 degrees and rainy at midnight.

45 degrees and gloomy at 09:30. It may not get higher than 55 today. Possible frost overnight. Meanwhile... a bit fiery in the Canary Islands. And stormy in the Atlantic. Odette may reform; Peter may peter out, or not; Rose may get her petals plucked. Proto-Sam seems to be lurking and there's a flare up off of Georgia. Fun times!

49 degrees at 20:30. Patchy fog and frost forecast for morning. (mourning?)

I felt weak this afternoon and took a nap this afternoon. Still no energy. Need to find some to replant 4 rescued begonias.

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