Complex Numbers

Ten

The pace of society sometimes moves too fast, and we don't always understand when the rules change.

Ten new commandments for modern life  

So I present to you these fifteen *crash* er, TEN commandments.

Well. Some of them, anyway. You'll have to go to the link to read the others. Be aware it's a British site, but most of them are applicable to life in the US as well.

Thou shalt use thy indicators when driving for other motorists art not able to gaze into the intent of your soul, knobhead.

Good to see this isn't just a US problem. I guess they have BMWs over there, too.

Buy thee not the Mail nor the Sun, for loathsome rags are they that doth inspire hatred in their readers for their fellow man. Nor is exempt the Guardian.

Come on, now, the Guardian doesn't completely suck.

Honour thy waiters and waitresses, for they doth not deserve to put up with thy bellendery. Yea, and honour them in cash so the chain takes not 20 per cent.

Hm. I was led to believe that tipping was mostly a US insanity. Either way, servers are hono(u)rable people and surely they'd report even their cash tips to comply with the laws, right?

You can look up "bellend" on your own.

Worship not the false idol of your phone while in the cinema for it distracteth from the movie, nor discourse with thy neighbour, nor munch loudly on sustenance.

You know, commandments like this one make me extra glad to live within walking distance of an Alamo Drafthouse Cinema. Do that crap in an Alamo and you get kicked right out.

Send not dick pics to anyone unless they specifically requesteth them, which they shall not.

Oddly, I got that request once. I still didn't oblige. You wanna see it that bad, buy me drinks first.

Neverspoons, verily.

Okay, this one I'll have to explain for the non-Brit readers, but I may get something wrong because (surprise) I'm not British. As I understand it, Wetherspoons is a massive UK/Ireland company that runs pubs. Lots of pubs. What's wrong with pubs? Nothing. It's just that Wetherspoons is, like, the Squall*Mart of pubs. Support local businesses, especially those that are providers of the Holy Nectar. Worse, the higher-ups in the company supported Brexit, and don't get me started on the bullshit they pulled during the pandemic lockdowns.

I also have it on reliable authority that they plain suck, but obviously that's a matter of opinion as, somehow, they're still in business.

Anyway. The Daily Mash is a parody site, much like The Onion here on this side of the pond, but sometimes I learn more about British culture from them than I do from the BBC.