The Trials of Chris-chan!

Chapter 1.5: Moar Jail Time for Chrissy Poo!

It was the next day since Judge Miyamoto-San has decided to delay the trial all the goddamn way to November...you couldn't believe that someone who works on video games can be such a royal asshole. However, you have quite some time before your next trial...

As you return to your jail cell, you noticed that your clothes aren't exactly in good shape and decided to write a couple of letters. In one letter, you sent a letter to a random person, asking them to please spread the word and send some money so you can get some new clothes since those dang, dirty trolls stole your GoFundMe money. You then write another letter, showing your anger to your former friend Null, asking him why he allowed the trolls to steal your GofundMe money and for calling you out on taking some of your mother's money. You also tell him for the umpteenth time, YOU DID NOT STEAL THE MONEY, YOU WERE SIMPLY BORROWING IT, AND YOU SWORE ON YOUR FATHER'S GRAVE THAT AS SOON AS THE TUGBOAT CAME IN, YOU WOULD OF PAID BACK THE MONEY! You then mail out the letters with good confidence and go to bed. Days later, the dorky lawyer grabs you and drags you into a private room and asks if you have lost your damn mind, because he just saw one of the letters you sent out and said that you pretty much just confessed to your crimes in said letter! You tell him to chill out and you didn't say anything about doing the dirty with your mother, but he brings up about how you said you "soul bonded" with your mother and asks you what you are going to say if the prosecutor or judge asks what you mean by that. You tell him that it's nothing more than that and that it is nothing sexual. He then tells you that because of this letter, you pretty much crumpled up any kind of defense he may or may not have prepared for court! You tell him that you are a powerful Goddess and you will make it out of this...

On the night of the premiere of MLP G5, You had this dream where you were in Equestria and you were out and about with your pony friends, heading to yet another festival before a strange portal opens up in the sky. As everyone looks up, you see in horror that an evil gang of ponies are flying out of this portal! These ponies are horribly computer animated and are not easy on the eyes! Before anyone could do anything, ponies left and right started getting vaporized by these horrible monstrosities as some houses and stables get caught on fire! In a state of panic, you try to summon up your Goddess powers, but are shocked in realizing that your powers are ineffective against the evil ponies! Twilight Sparkle then flies in from nowhere and runs into you, pleading with you to please do something and fight off this evil! Before she could finish, you watch in horror as she gets vaporized into Pony atoms! The evil, computer animated ponies then laugh in a demonic tone as everything around you burns to the ground, causing you to wake up in a pool of sweat and you wearing a pair of DIRTY, CRAPPED, BRIEFS!!!

Days later, you get letters from the mail. One is from a troll trying to convert you to Islam and another is from your buddy Kenneth. You respond to the troll, telling him you are not interested in the religion and you will stick to the CPU Goddesses. You also respond to Kenneth and tell him about how horrible life in jail is and how not only do you need money towards commissary and to bills at your temple, but food for Barbara as well, you also ask him to please plead with President Joe Biden to write out a pardon so you can get out of this Hell Hole!

Things proceeded to go peacefully in the "Jail of Fail" until an incident occurred in the cafeteria. You already knew the food wasn't that great, but when they served up a plate of spaghetti and meatballs, you weren't exactly thrilled with the taste of the meatballs and think back to the days when you were back home in your temple and you had wonderful, frozen Banquet dinners. Sure, you weren't much of a chef, but you and your family hardly ever go out to eat, and when you do, it's usually either to a drive-thru like a McDonald's or Arby's and when you did go inside somewhere to eat, it's either IHOP or El Agave. But this wasn't what led up to the incident. It was what happened the next day that did. The cafeteria was serving up fried chicken and you thought, what could possibly go wrong? How could anyone mess up some good fried chicken? Your answers came quickly when you bit into the chicken, and realized just how cold and dry it was. At this point, you had enough and stormed into the kitchen. You storm in, yelling about how dare these people cook up a piss poor chicken dinner for a Goddess and they should know better! You told them they can be repented if one of them drove to a Chic-Fil-A or a KFC and got you some REAL chicken as well as to give them a taste as well as to see how it's really cooked! Before you could continue with the sermon, some jerkops storm into the kitchen and taser you before grabbing you and dragging you out.

After an argument with the Warden, you were sentenced to some time in Solitary and you were thrown into a blank room and the door getting slammed shut fast. As you sit in Solitary, you think back about how ten years ago, just shortly after the passing of Robertchu, you and your mother were out on some shopping errands when you noticed the Game Place was under new management and decided to investigate. You then realize in horror that it was a trap set forth by Michael Snyder and his gang of trolls and before you could do anything, you and your mother were illegally arrested as the Manajerk purposely injured himself on the van and not only throwing you two into jail, but making you fork up your father's money to both the pussy lawyer that failed to prevent you from being found guilty and towards the jerk's medical bill! You made a promise to yourself that day that no matter what, you would do ANYTHING to try to prevent yourself from going back to this Hell hole! However, a decade has passed, and you are still somehow back in here, all because of some misunderstandings...

You swear, when you go back to trial, you were going to have to confront Judge Miyamoto-San again about the mistreatment...