Dissociated Thoughts

Journalistic Intentions - Advice

"Journalistic Intentions" 

February 2022

Prompt: "Most of all, you feel unseen and unheard. The other person is demonstrating that there are two things more important than your pain: Their desire to avoid negative emotions Their need to offer unsolicited advice."

         I am sure this happens to everyone, everywhere, all the time. But it is so easily seen in interactions between someone with a chronic illness or emotional problem and people who do not suffer from such crippling ailments. I see it and experience it all the time. Is it so easy for a person to judge and offer their advice (no matter how unwanted)? It seems so. They seem put off when you call them out on their callousness. They were “just trying to help” after all. How is it helpful to be judgmental of a person when you have absolutely no idea as to their situation?

         In the infamous words of Tom Petty, “You don’t know what it’s like to be me.” These people have no idea how someone else is suffering, how much pain they are in, the depths of their depression. These aren’t things that are just going to go away just because someone told them, “Put your big girl panties on and get on with life.” A band-aid can’t be slapped on, the wound kissed, and the world return to normal. There is no bandage for my mental illness. The medication does all it can, and even so, sometimes it isn’t enough. When I am depressed, there is nothing that can be said or done to get me out of it. It takes time, but a little kindness does help lessen the grip of the depression a bit.

         My chronic illnesses cause me to live in pain. You get used to it after it’s been there for days on end. It doesn’t go away, but it becomes like a background hum in your life. If I give in to the pain, or on those really bad days where the illnesses are flaring, I am told that I am weak. I am told, “Oh, just take some pain pills and deal with it.” Or “If I were you, I’d go to the doctor and tell him you want something stronger for your pain.” Don’t you think I’ve tried that? First of all, doctors cannot prescribe opioids to patients living with chronic pain due to the addictiveness of the drugs. Secondly, I’m not in to popping pills every time the pain flares and the drugs they can prescribe don’t do much at all to help.

So, if I express discomfort, or show my depression, or any of the myriad of problems that come along with being me, you don’t have to offer me your advice. It’s perfectly fine with me if you just change the subject if you don’t know how to respond to someone in my situation. I don’t care if I’m seen or heard by you. I have others in my life to fill those roles. If the situation is awkward for you and you can’t get over it, just mosey on along pardner! Sometimes, the best advice is no advice at all. Sometimes all you need to do is smile and wish a person well.

**climbs down from soapbox and drops mic**