Complex Numbers

Excessive

This is not my usual kind of link, but a friend sent it to me and I figured, why not branch out a bit?

Kat Von D is selling her California home for million. Take a look inside the 11-bedroom house, which comes with a blood-red pool.  

Let's leave aside for the moment that this is the first time I've ever heard of, or seen a picture of, this Kat Von D person. I have no idea who she is, what she's done (if anything), or why I should care. And don't be telling me I'm out of touch, either.

Obviously, from the title, the article is photo-heavy, so you'll have to click on the link to get the full effect. Warning: face tattoo (which immediately lowers my opinion of the subject to its lowest possible level; so sue me).

Kat Von D announced in October that she'd be selling her famous Los Angeles mansion and moving to Indiana.

So what? Also, it can't be that famous, as this is the first I've heard of it.

Von D has lived in California for years, including when she starred on "LA Ink."

I guess that's some sort of "reality" show about tattoos? Which would explain the disfigurement of her face, I suppose. I'd never heard of the show until reading this article.

She had previously said that she wanted to move out of California as a result of "terrible policies, tyrannical government overreach, ridiculous taxing," and "so much more corruption."

I don't claim to be an expert on California no matter how many times I've visited, but I suspect that the general response of most Californians would be "Well... bye." With maybe a "Bye Felicia" thrown in every now and then, though that wouldn't be true to the sense of the original quote, which was about dismissing someone who didn't want to leave.

I can't argue about the taxation, though anyone with a $15M house is going to face property taxes pretty much anywhere. And I know enough about Indiana that I know they have their own brands of "terrible policies" and "tyrannical government overreach;" it's just that they come from a different majority party, and Indiana's presumably suit her better. Indiana is basically the South's giant middle finger, flipping the rest of us off.

"We just felt the need to plant roots in a small town where there is nature, where my son can be free to play, and where we can eventually retire one day," she wrote in a December 2020 Instagram comment.

Okay, so this is year-old news. That's never stopped me before. Anyway, the concept of retiring to Indiana would never occur to me, and I was born there.

The Victorian home has a gothic aesthetic thanks to Von D's renovations.

(This is where you really need to look at the pictures.)

I gotta be fair, here: I really, really like the look of that house. The exterior, anyway; the interior is far too baroque (I think that's the word for that aesthetic) for my tastes. Of course, given its price and location, I wouldn't buy it either way (I like visiting CA, though I wouldn't want to live there). But like going through an art museum, it doesn't hurt to look and have an opinion.

The Victorian home was built in 1896 by Isaac Newton Van Nuys and was later featured in the 2003 film "Cheaper by the Dozen."

Which I never saw.

If I were in a better mood, I could check to see if this is the same Van Nuys that has a street named after him. But I'm not in a good mood.

The three-story home is on a 27,000-square-foot lot.

For the math-challenged, that's a bit more than 3/5 of an acre. I'm entirely too hung over to convert it to square meters or hectares, though.

The property has 11 bedrooms, 8 1/2 bathrooms, and a massive pool, among other features.

Why?

Also, pools are nice, but I could never have one; I can't be arsed to do maintenance on it. Though I suppose if you're going to buy a mansion in L.A. (the article doesn't seem to specify which part, or even if it's technically L.A., but it's presumably in a place like Beverly Hills and not Sherman Oaks), you probably have enough wealth to hire someone to do it for you. In general, I don't like "If you have enough money to buy x then you can afford y" arguments, because they're specious, but in this case it seems reasonable.

Let me expand upon that, here, as an aside.

I think I have a different attitude toward money than most. I figure if you can't pay cash for something (other than maybe a house), then you really can't afford it. Yes, I know most people have car loans, too; my point, however, remains.

So let's pretend I want to buy a new Porsche (I don't). And I say, "I really want to buy a Porsche, but the insurance is too much." You might be tempted to think, "If you have enough money to buy a Porsche, you can afford the insurance." Well, no; in this case, I've spent my entire car budget on the Porsche. Say, I don't know, $100,000 (again, this is purely hypothetical). I don't know how much they actually cost, but whatever. That means that (in this fantasy), I have $100,000 earmarked for purchasing a Porsche -- no more. Insurance is a monthly (or yearly) expense, coming from a different budget item. Being able to afford one doesn't mean I'm able to afford the other.

It also leads to infinite regression. If you have enough to buy a Porsche, then you can afford the insurance. If you have enough for all that, you can afford to hire a driver. If you have the money for the car, insurance, and a driver, then you can afford to have it repainted every year. And so on. At some point, it becomes absurd.

Anyway. Point is, in this case, anyone buying a home in (presumably) Beverly Hills has to be able to pay, not just for the house, but for all the stuff that comes with it: gardening, maintenance, pool stuff (and don't get me started about the profligacy of using all that water in a goddamned desert), etc.

Inside, there are multiple places to relax — including a grand lounge.

And this is where they lose me. Like I said, I really like the exterior. And that's where my appreciation ends.

Now, I could take this opportunity to note that there are houses like this in the L.A. area -- you know there are even more expensive ones -- and yet, as I was riding through that city the other day, I couldn't even count the extraordinarily large number of homeless encampments. I could, but what good would it do, apart from virtue signaling? No one's going to give their mansion to the homeless, and even if they did, the neighbors would freak right out (actually, I would love to see that).

But no, instead I'll point out that the same state that she claims to hate so much is the one that presumably enabled her to buy and upgrade such a mansion in the first place. And from what little I know of Indiana, that sort of conspicuous display of wealth won't be nearly as tolerated there.

Also, and I mean this with all sincerity, fuck the "art" on the wall of the "formal living room."

But when it comes to the bedrooms, Von D went all out. One has a subtle black-and-gold design.

"Subtle?" Of all the adjectives that could be used to describe this interior, that one's not even on the same planet.

There's also a bedroom that makes you feel as though you've been transported to another world.

Another one besides the actual world, and the world the rest of this house's interior lives in.

So... yeah, go look at the pictures. You might have an entirely different opinion of the decor, and that's fine, but you can still gawk at the excess.