Monkey Business

You're Fired!

Andre once played with (your choice of the artist, this can be a fictional or actual artist).
3.) Andre got fired. Why?

         One night, I was sitting at the Banana Bar, drinking away my anger at being fired from my job because of a very public mental breakdown. The embarrassment at being escorted out of the building and off the property was still fresh in my mind. Silent and sullen, I sat in a corner downing Crown and RC Cola like it was water. I was pissed at the world and didn't want to talk to anyone but Lilli 🧿 ☕, and only then to request another drink. I'm pretty sure that everyone in the bar could feel the angry vibes emanating from me and kept their distance to keep the peace. I wasn't looking for a fight, but I damned sure would have thrown down if somebody even looked at me wrong. As I finished yet another glass, I signaled Lilli over. "I want a Crown and RC, this time, hold the RC. No, wait. Just bring me a bottle of top shelf vodka. These sissy drinks aren't helping at all," I asked her when she came over to the table. Sitting in my corner, I viewed the goings-on in the Banana Bar as if I were looking into a portal to a world that I could never be a part of.

Lilli brought over the vodka and two glasses. "Wha-?" I begin to ask but just then, Andre swung over and took a seat opposite me. Lilli smiled consolingly at me, filled both glasses with vodka, said "Here ya go," and walked off to help another customer, leaving the bottle on the table. Andre took a big swig from his glass and said, "Looks like you've had a pretty tough day."

"Tough doesn't even begin to describe it," I grumble to him.

"So, tell me what happened."

I gulp down half of my drink before I start telling him my story. The story took long enough for us to finish the bottle and when it was empty, Andre signaled Lilli over to bring another one. "Don't worry, I'll pay for that one too," I said.

"Nah. this one is on the house. Now, you were saying you told your boss just where she could shove her suggestions and demands..."

"Yeah. I think she was just looking for something to fire me for - so I gave her a reason. And she told the sheriffs she was afraid I'd hurt her or someone else. Shit! I just wanted to be left alone to do my job."

Andre was having a hard time not cracking a smile. "Calm down. Let me tell you the story about the time I was fired." He paused to take a drink of his vodka and light a cigar. "Now, you've been here enough times to know that I've played with some really great bands, right?"

I shake my head yes.

"What most people don't know, though is that I was actually supposed to sit in with the Traveling Wilburys back in 1988. I was the original drummer for the band. We were a close-knit group and were always having a great time. They were pretty cool back in the day, you know? And they all encouraged my high jinks. I was even the inspiration for Bob Dylan and Tom Petty when they were writing "Tweeter and the Monkey Man," but they'll deny that now. They all have ever since the split." He takes a big puff from his cigar and exhales cloud of smoke than takes a large swig of vodka. "I was wilder back in my youth, more primal. I'd get drunk and swing from the chandeliers most nights just because I could. And all the girls loved me. I had it all: personality, charm, money, talent, and of course these good looks. Everything was going great until I really tied one on one day and never made it to the gig that night. A couple days later, I finally made it back for practice. Tom, Jeff, and George weren't too happy about it, Bob said, 'Chill out. You guys have been there. Let the monkey have a good time.' But it was three to one and so I was told to pack up my drums and go. You know what that did? It really pissed me off. I grabbed Tom's pretty yellow hair and pulled hard as I could, ripping out a handful. And I slapped him across the face, knocking him to the floor and wailing on him with all four limbs. I bit Jeff in the leg when he came to pull me off Tom too. I didn't stop my frenzy until George shot me with a tranquilizer. I woke up in a 4 ft by 4 ft cage like a wild animal. Bob was sitting next to the cage and said, 'Man, you really did it this time. I don't think they're going to let you back in the band after that one.' But since I was under contract, they had to pay me off if they wanted to fire me. I got a bunch of bananas to go my own way, and a whole lot of money too. That's how I got the dough to pay for this island and the bad ass bar you're sitting in right now."

We shared a couple more glasses of vodka in silence then Andre said, "See life isn't as bad as you thought, is it?"

"Nah, thanks Andre." I say before my head hit the table as I passed out.

I woke the next morning at sunrise on the beach, covered in sand and one hell of a hangover. Thanks again Andre...

W/C 958