The Undiscovered Country

Seeking Motivation

Many people talk about a muse, and how finicky she can be. She either brings inspiration or holds it back. Others use “writers block” when they can’t seem to put even a single word to a page. Or if you’re more technically inclined, that cursor blinks, patiently, yet damning at the same time.

I have stared at that blank page and lulled into a guilty stupor with that incessant cursor for the last several months.

It started after I contracted what I think was the thing-that-shall-not-be-named. I don’t know for certain since I never went in to get tested. Three reasons for this: I’m not inclined to be counted as another statistic, I was too fatigued to take a shower let alone get in a car to go to the doctor, and why spread more germs when I don’t have to?

While I recovered after about ten days, my motivation to write has all but disappeared. Sure I want to, but I could never find something to write about. Even now I’m struggling. It’s possible I’m suffering from a bit of burnout, or there’s another more spiritual reason.

Whenever I find myself lacking the will and even ability to write, it’s usually due to me not clinging to God as much as I should. Even attending a weekly bible study hasn’t helped.

As with other things in my life, all has become less joyful and more obligatory. Including bible study. Sure I enjoy it and learn a lot while I’m there, but the daily reading and study has become a grind.

How pathetic is that?

Thankfully the solution is out there, and it is a simple one. Not easy, perhaps, but simple. I need to go back to God and sit at his feet. To listen instead of complain. To not be swayed by my negative feelings and push past them instead.

And one way to tell if it’s working or not is whether or not I write a new entry more often than once every two months.