My Reflections

It's too easy to be hard on yourself!

These are just some random thoughts today. I have allowed myself to become overwhelmed. I am a person who aspires to do a lot of things all at once. For a while I seem to move along just fine with everything, moving back and forth from one project to the next. Then something in life happens to upset the applecart so to speak, and I seem to fall apart and get behind. Then I get overwhelmed.

I take care of my roommate who is disabled. I also have some health issues of my own. I take care of our elderly dog. I have a Pampered Chef business and a Tupperware business. I also sell handmade craft items. I have my duties here on Writing.com which I enjoy. I like to stay busy and occupied.

Then along comes and elderly neighbor and her adorable little dog. I love to help others. I did offer my neighbor assistance when needed. However, it has become more of a burden than I wanted. Now she depends on me as if I was her daughter. She can be demanding, smothering and obsessive at times, even possessive. I realize she is lonely. I don't want to hurt her feelings, but I do not wish to be responsible for her. I am just trying to be a good friend and neighbor. I try to love others with the love of Jesus. She will sometimes pay me to do stuff for her and she is good about giving me a ride when needed. I definitely don't want to lose the transportation aspect because I don't have a car of my own. I have gotten myself in between a rock and a hard place with her.

Anyway, a couple of months ago, my neighbor broke her hip and left rehab AMA after having a surgery to repair the broken hip. I have tried to be there for her and help her. It's no surprise she is still having issues with the hip. I have had to pick her up out of the floor a couple of times since she broke her hip. She has a follow-up doctor's appointment Wednesday. I am at a point where I wonder if I am truly helping her. I think she takes advantage of my kindness.

I have tried communicating with her daughter. Her daughter and her have a strained relationship. So that has gotten a whole lot of nowhere because they have a hard time getting along. In fact, the neighbor has tried to place me between her and her daughter because she is afraid her daughter will place her in a nursing home. Here I am in a place I don't want to be and not completely sure how we got here.

Then I am hard on myself because I don't feel like I am able to keep up with it all. I am behind on my house cleaning and have neglected my business a couple of days just trying to catch up. Then I ended up having an autoimmune flare up probably due to the stress of it all. I am left feeling frustrated and exhausted.

I want to keep up with my writing, and I am briefly jumping on here every day that I can. I am trying to keep up with emails and other things. However, it appears I may have accidently overlooked some. For that, I am sorry.

This is going to probably sound bad, but I was exposed directly to someone who tested positive for Covid Friday. I am actually thankful to have a few days of quarantine. I have to quarantine with my roommate because she is very high risk. However, that means I have a few days to stay in and just focus on my own responsibilities. If I don't get sick, maybe I can play a little bit of catchup.

...Pray for me...

I share all of this not to complain, but because I know I am not the only one who struggles. Life has its ups and downs no matter how "good" you try to be. We all fail. We are all human. I thank God that I don't have to face life's problems alone because I have his Holy Spirit with me. Sometimes, things meant by Satan to harm us can be God's way of giving us exactly what we need at that time.