Seven Degrees Left of Center

A defragmenting brain

I have found great empathy for infants. I did not understand when my children were babies and cried for no apparent reason. More importantly, I couldn't sympathize.

The day I came home from the hospital, including the following weeks. I believe I experienced something similar to a newborn, brain sensory overload. A baby is encoding input for the first time. I was struggling to match broken codes. A baby has new blank storage designed to accept vast amounts of information. I had vast amounts of information fragmented and used space misfiring as often as not.

My brain was going through a defragmenting routine. In the first 30 days of recovery, crying was my only output resource. Crying isn't always sad. I could happy cry too. So, I have great empathy for an infant that cannot express what is overstimulating a brain's pathway.

My wife needed time to run errands and a break of her own. So, on my first day home, my 72-year-old mother babysit. She was sitting on the couch with me, holding my left hand, attempting a conversation. My brain, however, could not cooperate. I met myself as an infant, afraid and confused. Yet, also safe and comfortable, and most importantly, not alone. Sadly I was unable to participate in a conversation. Unable to express defined emotion except for a few tears. She stopped talking.

She just sat with me. I have no concept of how much time passed. I am grateful mom is still here for me. I became like the babe that stopped fussing. The brain has to learn, no matter how much someone loves you. So often, there is nothing they can do to help. They can only be there for you. And, it is okay if they cry, too.