Chris-Chan goes to a Group Home!

Chapter 1 Chris-Chan's new life with the "Slow-in-the-Minds"

It was late March, 2023, and you are quite furious with Judge Miyamoto-San and his court! Not only is the asshole keeping you from going home to see your Mommy, but is making you go to a group home filled with those "Slow-in-the-Minds." You ask the Judge why and he says that it is quite clear that you cannot take care of yourself. You tell him that is a straight up lie and you can too take care of yourself! Thanks to Cutco products, you are able to cook yourself and your family meals efficiently! You then talk about how you can install window A/C units without trouble! And finally, you have taken classes to take care of the elderly as well as additional cooking classes in order to get more recipes to cook at home. The Judge then decides to become a dang, dirty troll himself and ask if you have a job? You nearly snap, but just chuckle and say that you are a CPU Goddess and your job is to prevent this dimension from shattering like glass! The Judge looks at you funny before saying "Um, no Chandler, I'm talking about doing something that earns you money..." At that point, you started calling the Judge a troll and attempted to jump over the table, but is quickly apprehended by Jerkops and dragged out of the courtroom. That was days ago.

Today, you are being driven to a desolate location deep in the woods of Virginia. You look over the group home and at all of the "Slow-in-the-Minds" outside waiting to greet you. You think "Oh Hell no!" and demand the driver to take you to the Holy Temple on Branchland Court! As you keep pleading with the driver, some people with ID badges while wearing casual clothes come over and grab you and start to drag you into the building. As the inmate transport vehicle drives off, you started to chant ancient spells of the Goddesses, hoping that you could free yourself and you could find your way back to the temple! Unfortunately, that never happened. Inside, these people with badges introduce themselves as employees for the "Gateway Homes" and have given you some pieces of paper to read. On these pieces of paper, you see that they are requiring you to do back-breaking things around the group home, such as participating in social events, keeping your living area clean and within a certain criteria, and finally, something that made your blood run cold for a minute...GETTING A JOB!

You freak out at this and ask if the head honchos could, you know, lower the expectations, but they don't budge a bit. They then show you your living area and are told you could bring in A FEW belongings, NOT EVERYTHING! You sigh as that means you can't truck your mountain of Amiibos, Funko Pops, and Lego figurines to the house then. You then ask if it was possible to buy a PS5. They laugh before they tell you no. Well that fucking sucks! You was hoping that you could reconnect to your PSN account and send out an SOS message so someone can come and save you! That reminds you, you decided to ask about internet connection. They said that you are not allowed at first, but if you are on good behavior and have a job of some sort, you can get access. This made you sigh again. They then tell you that you have to be back by a certain hour or they will call the cops and have you bought home with force! You roll your eyes at this and say whatever.

As you sit down and eat with the "Slow-in-the-Minds", you notice a television set playing random commercials as you eat your food. The food is a Hell of a lot better than the kind served at the "Jail of Fail", but you still miss the frozen Banquet meals back at the temple. Just then, you see a familiar looking plumber on screen. There was no mistaking it, it was Super Mario and hopefully he is here to help get you out of this Hell Hole! Instead, he talks about his new movie that is coming out around Easter time. It was the new "Super Mario Bros. Movie!" Your eyes got as big as dinner plates seeing the advertisement. You think to yourself, "I HAVE to get out of here before that movie launches! I was cooped up in jail when Hasbro murdered G4 and replaced them with the eyesore that is G5, Then during Halloween, Thanksgiving, WORSE, THANKSGIVING, MEAL, EVER! Then at Christmas, WORSE, CHRISTMAS, EVER! EVEN THE GIFTS WERE HORRIBLE! Then that asshole Judge sent me to Western State Mental Hospital on my Birthday last year! Then those dumbass Ponies got their own video game! Then I was restrained to a chair when I tried to break out of the hospital to go see the new Sonic the Hedgehog movie last year! And then David Heilberg, that Goddamn, Greedy...LAWYER, lied out of his dorky ass last summer, saying that I was going to go back to the Temple, but never did! He kept lying and saying I couldn't go back, not only because of a restraining order against me, but because I WOULDN'T TAKE THE BULLSHIT PLEA DEAL!" You are then shaken out of it as the head honchos were asking if you are OK. You say that you are and they said they were just checking because you were zoned out for quite a long time. As you start to eat on your Mediocre supper, you begin to plot an escape plan from here in order to get a new Nintendo Switch and see the new "Super Mario Bros. Movie"...