Seven Degrees Left of Center

Vulnerable and Violated

Two years ago, I woke up in an intensive care room. The room was cold and dark. I cannot say I was comfortable. However, I was not in any pain. That changed when I attempted to move. After that, I either passed out or went back to sleep. The same, but not.

I woke again, and it was still dark. Maybe, I had just blinked my eyes. I don't know. I started to count the beeps from a machine, not ticks like a clock. But, they did provide a gauge acknowledging time moving. Time, what time is it? What day is it? Why am I hear? Who am I? Panic! I felt vulnerable and violated. The beeping got faster, and some green lights changed to red. I blinked!

No, I passed out. When I opened my eyes again, there was light and voices, "Wah wah wah wah?" a light shining into my eyes, it hurt.

Femail voice, "Wah wah wah wah wah?"

I blinked.

Male again, "Wah wah wah?"

Femail voice, "Wah wah wah wah wah. Wah wah. Wah wah wah wah?"

I cried.

My field of vision was limited because I couldn't move my head. I did feel a hand firmly grip my forearm. Male, "Wah wah wah, okay, wah wah."

That is all I remember from September 25th, 2020. I don't remember details from the following days either. My head hurt. The bed rolled through hallways. My head hurt. Road the amusement ride called MRI. My head hurt. More rides in a wheelchair. My head hurt. And, "Wah wah wah, ah, wah wah?" or "Okay, wah wah sir wah move wah wah."

I do not remember the exact sequence of events. But here are two highlights after my brain replaced "wah whas," with actual words.

I could not remember my wife's name. But, I knew who she was, so I called her "My Precious."

My oldest daughter helped me eat my first meal. I still had not said anything yet. I had only used hand jesters or teary eyes to communicate. The hoses, wires, cables, and other entanglements made that problematic.

Susan is a prayer worrier, so I thought I would ask her to say a prayer. With great effort, trying my best to get the words I was thinking to verbalize. The best I could say was, "Sshhhit?!"

The doctor laughed out loud and replied, "Okay, ladies. He will be fine." And, we all enjoyed a good laugh, maybe we cried. No, it was definitely a laugh. But, really, we happy cried.