The Journey

October 17, 2018

Still pondering this existence
and swirling
in the uncertainties
of my next step forward.

Never to be truly accepted
seems to be
the theme of my life
no matter where I am
or who I am surrounded by.

Family,
I suppose,
is the one truth.
The one constant
slowly
ebbing
away.

There are
so
few
left

I hold my memories
close to my heart.

The two I held
dearest
are just faint lights
in my mind
now.

My heart is heavy
with sorrow.
I am unsure
how it heals.
Perhaps it never does.

The scars and pain
make it harder,
but also more resistant
to the onslaught
of neverending arrows.

Poison-tipped,
fiery arrows that
shock you
like lightning bolts
out of a thunderous rage
being shouted out at you
by the thoughts of others.

Will it ever end?

That rage
seems to be
directed towards me,
but
is it all just
in my head?

I am not sure anymore
what is real and
what I just imagine
in my head.

Not sure that
imagination
is necessarily
a detriment,
but

I don't know
how many others
can understand
the depths of my mind
and not judge it

To be
just
another
crazy person.
A misguided woman.

I know who I am,
but I have tried
to present an image
more acceptable
- to the world
- to society
- to the people I am surrounded by.

I think,
I know
I can just be myself,
but it takes
great strength
in the face of others
who would love
to bring me down
and crush me

just
so
they
can
feel
better.

Just because
they don't know
how
to just
be.

Be one
with the world.
Be one
with others.

Allow the feelings to swirl around,
take over for awhile.
Just to remove yourself
from your own torturous mind.

Be at peace.
Like a diamond
washing away to the sea depths.

Waiting to be cleansed
by the salt
and rough water.
Only
to be thrown aside
by the waves