The Whatever Files

Auntie Write-Write

"Adhere-San, please will you tell us a story?"

I didn't know that Muses had nieces. I'm still not sure how I came to be babysitting two of them whilst their mother and 'Auntie Write-Write' went off to London to do 'important muse stuff', that apparently involves Harrods, Fortnum & Mason, and Ann Summers. I really wish I had not been party to that last titbit of information.

The girls look like teenagers, which means in Muse terms they are probably several thousand years old. As usual I didn't properly catch their names, but roughly they translate as 'Please to write more immediately.', and her younger sister 'You must write more or chop-chop'. I was left by my Muse in the certainty that I must look after, and amuse them or else, and then she did that strange hand motion that sometimes looks like someone using a hatchet, and other times a large pair of shears.

"Auntie Write-Write says you are a not bad writer Adhere-San."

"Does she?" I asked incredulously, 'Auntie Write-Write' had never given me any idea of what she thought about my writing, except that there wasn't enough of it happening.

Some giggling and conversation in Japanese ensued, and then You-must said shyly,

"She said you are not bad writer, you are terrible writer. You need very good muse like her or you be laughed at."

Since no one ever laughs at my work, I assumed You-must was telling the truth.

"So will you tell us a story please?" asked Please-to.

Bowing to the inevitable I began.

"Once upon a time there was a rabbit."

"What was his name Adhere-San?"

"His name is... John. "

They looked at one another doubtfully.

"Cute anthropomorphous rabbit should have a cute name Adhere-San."

"Something that rolls off the tongue." My face was a poker player's dream as I listened to that last sentence, pronounced with a pronounced Japanese accent.

"Umm okay. The rabbit's name is John, but he isn't happy about it. In fact he isn't happy at all today. Today is his birthday, and it seems no one has remembered."

"OHHH! Plot Number One." They chorused. "Adhere-San use plot number one, the forgotten birthday and surprise party."

Just how does one tell a story to teen-Muses?

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