The Whatever Files

Bond, Jamie Bond

007 gave Pennyforthem's bottom a friendly pat as she passed through the office.

That's sexual harassment you know 007.

"And you love it Pennyforthem." Bond winked at the handsome young secretary.

A voice from the tannoy said,

"When you've quite finished molesting Mr Pennyforthem Ms. Bond, do step into my office."

Jamie Bond gave Pennywise a grin, and blew him a kiss then entered M's Office. Pennywise sighed, 007 was a tease of some sort, but it was fun to fantasize."

Behind the desk sat M, a giant Mole, which given his role, was unfortunate to say the least.

"Come in Bond, take a seat. Now listen carefully, this is serious. It's about BlowFootball"

Bond looked confused. "BlowFootball?"

M scowled, "Blowfish, head of SOTGRS¹"

Bond was still looking confused.

"Confound it Woman, You know BlowBack. You've crossed swords with him many times."

Bond's brow cleared.

"Oh! You mean BlowJob M."

"That's him, head of NRVSIIKYN²"

"Right M, Blowhard."

"I think we're singing from the same choir sheet now 007."

Said M, passing 007 some sheet music.

"In the bleak midwinter,
What's he up to now?
Earth stood hard as iron
This one's a real sow."

"This isn't really working M, can you just explain."

"No time for that 007, head on over to Q, get him to give you exactly what you need to accomplish the mission, and the keys to a very expensive car. We need to write off a few taxes, so don't bother to bring it back, I know I can rely on you."

Jamie scene cut neatly to an exotic pool, in some sunny place with palm trees, car chases and lots of explosions, (they were going to regret letting Michael Bay direct this one.)

On the next sunbed lay Q, looking surprisingly buff in his trunks.

"So what's the mission 007?"

"Apparently I have to advertise something called The Whatever Contest."




1
SOTGRS - Some of this gets really silly

2
No really, very silly indeed i kid you not