Knightly Scribblings of the Year

The 362nd of the Year 2022: Day 28 of B.E.D.D.

Doubts At the End of the Year


         I don't know if I will be able to write a bad draft before the week is over. I wish I had more time. It's all been such a struggle this month to post, and I had such high hopes of writing a couple of short stories and a few bad poems. The start of this month was so good, but I just haven't been able to capture that energy again.


         Yet hope is not dead. I have a couple of ideas; I just need to write regardless of the quality at the end. And if I must submit a first draft simply to make the deadline, I must remember that my livelihood is not dependent on winning these contests. But I need to overcome this doubt, this self-destructive mindset that feels crippled with everything around me.


         I just feel alone and don't feel like I can reach out. I know I can— and should— reach out; I just don't know how. I don't know what I want, and I don't know what it would look like if I did reach out. What am I even looking for? I don't want a handout, but I can't do this alone. And I feel so alone.


What the Next Year Holds


         Goinging into the new year, this blog will shift to a Saturday-only schedule. December has been really taxing on me, and maintaining a daily blog throughout has cost me more than the gaping hole in the wall beside me. It's hardly the fault of this blog. It was just the last thing I sat down to do at the end of a day when things hadn't gone right, and I had no patience left for the minor problems I suffered and made worse through my actions.


Public Regret


         I have done very little promotion of this blog in the newsfeed and my own social circles. And if I can be honest to the readers who have stumbled onto this blog, I am sorry to have not posted my best here. Truly, I don't know how this blog has been worth reading for you as strangers when I don't even want my friends and family to see this (wholely out of embarrassment). I'm tired... I wish there was a happier tone to this blog with useful information.


         Merry Christmas and a happy new year.

Memento Mori,


 KS