Complex Numbers

Mushroom Mushroom

I don't care what the source is (in this case, Field & Stream); I'm not going to swallow something I found in the (shudder) outdoors based on internet advice.

     The 7 Safest Mushrooms to Forage and Eat  
Perfect for novice foragers, these mushrooms are delicious, easy to find, and are not easily confused with toxic species

For reference, I've harped on mushrooms in here before: "Everyone Calls Me Mushroom Because I'm Such A Fun Guy"  is from about six months ago, links to an article by the same author in the same source—but from the other direction, talking about the bad fungi. Which, to me, is anything you don't find neatly packaged in the produce section of the supermarket.

As today's article is kind of the companion piece to that one, I figured I'd include it, too. For balance, if nothing else. I still have no intention of biting into a brown thing from the forest floor, but I guess some people like to live dangerously. Or, possibly, need to do something to survive; but that wouldn't be an issue if you didn't insist on going (shudder) outside.

There is some great eating out there in the fungal world, and some of the best-tasting mushrooms are also quite safe, with no or few poisonous look-alikes. But every mushroom article must carry a warning, so here goes:

Oddly, that warning isn't "don't go outside."

The good news is that there are local mushroom hunting groups that can educate you almost everywhere that mushrooms grow.

I have slightly more trust in the words of an expert with field experience, but, as the previous article noted, even experts can get sick or die from eating the wrong fungus.

The actual article has helpful photographs of the fungi in question.

1. Puffball Mushrooms

Kick or squeeze a mature puffball and clouds of dust-like spores will rise up.

And you want me to eat that?

2. Chanterelle Mushrooms

The only dangerous look-alike is the jack-o-lantern mushroom, which is bright orange, with true gills, while chanterelles have false gills.

Yeah, no.

3. Oyster Mushrooms

Another good mushroom for beginners, oysters are found on standing dead trees or logs.

Oh yeah, being named after sea snot, and growing on dead trees, really whets my appetite.

4. Chicken of the Woods

Finally, a wild thing that actually does taste like chicken.

You know what else tastes like chicken? Chicken.

5. Hen of the Woods

...are you fucking kidding me?

6. King Bolete

Very good or bad mushrooms tend to attract lots of nicknames.

My nickname for this one would have to be "forest penis."

7. Lion’s Mane

It’s in the tooth fungus family and doesn’t even look like a mushroom. It’s also called the pom-pom mushroom, because it looks like something a cheerleader would shake to rile up a team.

You know what it doesn't look like? Food.

Obviously, there's a lot more information in the article. And it's actually good and informative; I just have to rag on things to make myself feel superior. And don't get me wrong; I do like mushrooms, but like I said, I prefer the ones from the grocery store. Not that that's any guarantee of safety; hell, people have died from eating goddamn lettuce from the supermarket (it was contaminated with e. coli, as I recall). Life is full of risks, so why compound them by venturing outdoors?