Alotta Monkey Business

Clean-up Crew (WC 334 Rated E [should be D for disgusting])

What should we do with all the monkey grease (tobacco-juice)?

There are a couple of options open since we cannot flush it or put it in the trash. My first thoughts were to add a bit of gunpowder, a rattle-snake head, and some rubbing alcohol to each barrel, let it age, and then bottle it up for bottom-shelf whiskey. But of course, that could get the bar shut down.

A safer option would be to pour the nasty, volatile, mixture of soggy chew and juice into a cement mixer, add in some sand, rock, dirt from the floors, hair from the drains, and cement. Mix this all up really well and use it to patch all the holes in the parking lot and foundation. Of course, it would have to be done after dark and while it's still cold so the smell doesn't spread.

This, however, sounds like a lot of work. Besides, who's going to mix and work the abominable sludge? Maybe if we found some desperate enough people and got them good and drunk. Even if that worked, being drunk, they would likely have the parking lot in even worse shape after they finished. Oh, I hadn't thought about it, but what if it seeped into the groundwater before it set and contaminated the site's drinking water? On second thought, scrap that idea.

That leaves my other idea, but it's a bit risky. We would have to paint all the barrels that butt-ugly military yellow. Next, we need to either paint radioactive symbols or find some decals to put on each barrel. Once they've been camouflaged to look like real nuclear waste we can put them out in the ally behind the shed and call Homeland Security and report it. They'll take care of the rest. Oh, did I mention we need to do this after dark and have surgical gloves on? Yeah, that would be a good idea.

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