Complex Numbers

I Ain't Got a Thing...

Another fashion entry, courtesy of "Journalistic Intentions"  [18+]...

Swing

Wait, wait, hold up.

"Swing" has like 48 definitions, of which exactly 0 of them that I'm aware of fit the fashion theme. (But I know at least four that refer to sex.)

Time, then, to become aware.

For the first time in history, Wikipedia fails me here. There's the usual disambiguation page,   which parses out many of the 48 (I pulled that number out of my ass, but doesn't seem to be far off from reality) possible meanings of the word "swing." Not one of these refers to clothing.

So let's try that old standby, Merriam-Webster.  

Nope.

Now, look, I'll save us both some time here: best I can figure out, the only clothing-related use of the word "swing" that I could find anywhere refers to a dress style from the 1950s.

I hadn't been born yet; I'm generally bewildered by nuances of fashion; I don't wear dresses; I've never been in a serious relationship with someone who regularly wore dresses. So my lack of knowledge here shouldn't be surprising (though it's at least partly fixed now). Still, it makes me wonder why both WIkipedia and one of the leading American dictionaries failed me.

Apparently, from what little I can piece together (most of the search results I found were vendors, which is even less reliable than Wikipedia, and hopefully this morning's frantic Googling will confuse the living shit out of someone at the NSA), the swing dress was for dancing to... wait for it... swing jazz.

Which I have heard of, because unlike fashion, music is an actual interest of mine. Though I'm not generally fond of jazz.

But there is one advantage of ignorance: I can use it to make shit up.

So, obviously, the first thing I thought of was that it might be the clothes that swingers wear. As that might be ambiguous, I'll note that by "swingers," I mean the partner-swapping scene. But that wouldn't make sense; as far as I know, swingers don't use clothing to differentiate themselves from monogamists.

Maybe... clothes to wear on a swing? When I was a kid and could still fit on swings, we just wore whatever we were wearing. Which led to quite a few skinned knees.

Or, ooh, I know! it's clothing that'll change your political affiliation. "Here, wear this vest. It'll make you vote for the Libertarian and like it."

Compared to even my lousy imagination, though, the reality is—as per usual—quite disappointing, at least to me. That is, of course, assuming that I'm somehow right, which is a massive assumption. It's disappointing to me because, to me, there are only three kinds of dresses: 1) Wedding dress; 2) Bridesmaid's dress (look, I used to be a wedding photographer); 3) Dress.

I don't believe in only learning shit about shit that affects me. But even I can't hold unlimited information in my noggin, which is why things like search engines and dictionaries and encyclopedias are my friends (and auxiliary memory). Even an established nerd like me needs to let some things pass unnoticed, or I'd be overwhelmed with trivia. It's annoying and frustrating to me when such references fail.

But hey, at least I learned something new today. Again.