Porthole

5th week of 180.

23.abril

08:46 ... I already charcoaled a hotdog. Time for coffee or falling back to sleep. It's 0°C.

24°C at home in Udon Thani; 9°C here in Missoula. I ate mashed potatoes ... but still not doing well.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7zDt8xyVKtw

I Think It's Going to Rain Today

         Song by Randy Newman

Broken windows and empty hallways
A pale dead moon in the sky streaked with gray
Human kindness is overflowing
And I think it's going to rain today

Scarecrows dressed in the latest styles
With frozen smiles to chase love away
Human kindness is overflowing
And I think it's going to rain today

Lonely, lonely
Tin can at my feet
Think I'll kick it down the street
That's the way to treat a friend

Bright before me the signs implore me
To help the needy and show them the way
Human kindness is overflowing
And I think it's going to rain today

For some odd reason I thought of Aunt Verna... gone many years.

On-line: Another Reddit poster chimed in, “First, they will drive out the trans families and gay-accepting families.
Next, they will drive out liberals and democrats.
Next, they will drive out any minorities who are able to move away.
Finally, when everything is just white, they’ll drown due to the climate change they don’t believe in.”

I'm burnt out, one smashed lightbulb.

HH: The addicts still shoot up under the Anker Brua.

W: Do we ever really change?

HH: No. Any better for you?

W: No. Unlike Ove, they always mind their own business. Nothing shakes a hard headed Swede or makes them pay attention.

HH: We are the oddballs, aren't we.

W: Just like the addicts... and the occasional dead body. [180.19]

22.abril

I'm okay as long as I don't face reality. My anxiety is very high. I can get out of bed and shower, drink coffee, even eat. I'm at Butterfly Herbs stressing. I'm not doing well.

To Mighty: "I have a Le Novo chromebook. I do have a computer with a much larger screen, but I don't use it. The chromebook is light and travels well.

I'm old so I don't feel a need to 'work' but my boyfriend is 'young' and may need my help to network properly and expand his on-line content. I'm not a professional photographer but some of my photos are more than passable.

We could visit local sites, and take photos. He could write from the fashion/beauty-products perspective in Thai and I could write from the traveler perspective in English.

I'm fine with my income and doing-with-less, but he needs to build a future. Freelance is one way."

My nerves are still shot. At BH: Chatted with Lundi and Cathy Mae. Had fire&ice, coffee and an Asiago bagel with cream cheese. Bit of a melt-down.

Travis gave me hot dog buns. I ate two hot dogs for supper.

21.abril

Ridvan.

Daffodils braved the snow.

Yep. Snow... quite a bit actually.

Saw Jamie. Sat with Dalton and Bob. Kathy P. won pinochle.

Nerves not good.

Looked at flight options. Nothing cheap.

Chicken strips for lunch. Scored hot dogs, rice, noodles, potatoes.

20.abril

Up before 9. Still in bed, need coffee ... and a life.

https://www.msn.com/en-us/video/lifestyle/why-airplane-seats-are-so-uncomfortabl...

I really want 30" minimum on any flight over 4 hours, 32" on flights over 6. I've had dvt 3 times. I use Google Flights and Seat Guru. Ergonomics are important to me. Asian airlines like Asiana and ANA do much better than Euro-American airlines.

Black roses: I was born in the wrong century, wrong city, wrong soi (ซอย). I can love you, but can never be your lover. Not in this lifetime. May I strew your path with roses, their fragrance reminding you of my love, their thorns a memory of my pain. May we someday be reborn in a garden where our roots may touch and our branches hug each other. 62w Heliotrope healing a Bleeding Heart. [180.18]

"I walk down Memory Lane because I love running into you."

Nerves still shattered.

Sat with Angie and Billie Jo.

19.april

Snow. Cold and bitter.

Meatloaf. Saw Merry, Ron and others.

Cake (white/confetti) with Scott and Travis.

A day for me to chill.

18.april

BCoF: Scott baked a cake for his birthday, dry as Wyoming, flavored with pistachios. He'd always been a bit of a nut. A bit... different, at ease in the emptiness, looking after mountains and those humans who got lost in them. Like him, I'm lost in private thoughts I never shared. He sliced the cake, gave me a piece of paradise, an echo of long-lost Persia, dry yet flavorful. My day followed his. [180.17]

I didn't have to bake a cake. His was enough for both of us (for Scott on his birthday).

Video with Pannya. He looks good. I look haggard. I let myself go. Hello to his mother.

Scott's birthday. Said hello.

Taco salad... had eaten turkey-cheese-bowties for breakfast... so I brought half of it home for later.

Scored 4 cans of canned chicken.

Spoke with Joyce, Kathi, Dalton, others... Chat with Birgit. I ramble too much. I'm 'doing better'?

Scored a Reese's peanut butter cup. It's an addiction.

Snowed.

39°F at 6:20 pm. It was wintry cold all day.

17.april

Saw Kathi, Willie, Phil... at Sr.Ctr. Did not eat though.

Bought rosemary focaccia at Le Petit. $6. Most everything is double what I paid 15 years ago except my income and rent.

I'm okay but still anxious and unhappy.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=45KYqWpZKso

Thai elections are May 14th.

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