Complex Numbers

Pushing My Buttons

It's going to be a short one today.

I decided to do one of my random road trips. Today, I ended up in White Sulphur Springs, West Virginia.

The only hotel in town (other than The Greenbrier, which is very expensive but you should definitely Google it because it's got a fascinating history) is conveniently located about a block away from the town's single brewery, Big Draft. I have already gone there to sample their wares, and they're very good.

This hotel - converted from a schoolhouse, because why would West Virginia need schoolhouses? - is less than a year old, so it's "smart." So smart, in fact, that when I checked in, they had to give me the user manual for the room controls.

Everything, and I mean everything, in the room is controlled by a touchscreen. The fucking toilet is controlled by a touchscreen. The icons on that touchscreen are incomprehensible, and they are NOT IN THE USER MANUAL.

And I'm not about to call the front desk and ask them how to use the goddamned toilet. Which has a bidet built in. While that's a great idea, again, the controls might as well be in French. Hell, if the controls were in French, I'd actually have a shot at understanding them.

Adding injury to insult, the room doesn't even have a desk. Which means I have to balance the laptop on a TV dinner stand. Which in turn means no mouse, and I hate using the touchpad. No, I'm not going to use my phone to blog; that's even worse. This is why I'm keeping this entry short, and not linking anything.

I hate this future. You remember the Daffy Duck cartoon where he's in a push-button house? Well, if you don't, Google that too because linking anything right now is a massive pain in the ass (unmitigated by the presence of a bidet and - I am absolutely, 100% not kidding here - the massage capabilities of the room's toilet seat). I thought it was funny when I was a kid. Not any more. I'm in a literal push-button hotel room.

The one bright spot in all of this, apart from the proximal brewery (which, again, is very good), is that the hotel has a bar. And I will be availing myself of its services shortly.

I just hope it's not staffed by robots.