Complex Numbers

Divided by a Vulgar Language

I've been told that the source for today's amusing link (The Daily Mash, basically The Onion but British) is blocked in non-UK areas. Obviously, it's not blocked for me; there are ways around location-blocking. But if that's too much work, I'll understand.

    'Motherf**ker' and other American swear words British people can't get away with  

Obviously, the link contains swear words, and would probably be 18+ on WDC.

BRITAIN leads the world in swearing, until British people attempt to say things that Americans would call ‘cuss words’.

I was under the impression that "cuss word" is pretty much a Southern thing ("cuss" being a mangling of "curse" as "y'all" is a mangling of "you all"), but I wouldn't expect Brits to understand that nuance any more than I'd expect a Yank to know the difference between a Yorkie and Mancunian accent.

Asshole

Given that we in the UK already have the vastly superior phrase ‘arsehole’, there’s really no need to be pronouncing the word ‘ass’ at all.

On this point, I can agree. "Arse" is indeed vastly superior in most instances.

Motherf**ker

Just call him a wanker, it’ll sound better.

Here, I have to disagree. Not that it wouldn't sound better; it definitely would, no matter what your accent. But "m-f'er" and "wanker" are two different insults with two entirely different purposes, coming from two completely different takes on sexual practices. Also, the former is far more versatile, being applicable to a much wider variety of situations than merely accusing someone of incest.

Douchebag

...It never sounds right coming out of a British mouth...

Phrasing!

Also, I suspect it doesn't work in England because it's too obviously French. And "douche" is a perfectly legitimate French word that translates to "shower," as in the kind you take in the morning to get yourself clean for the day.

Darn

Even our most pathetic swearwords are infinitely superior to theirs.

Except, and I must emphasiz(s)e this to keep my US passport, for m-f'er.

Pussy

Whether used to convey the fact that you think someone is weak or a pathetic way to refer to a woman’s genitalia, British people really can’t pull this off.

Right, like "fanny" is any better. And the article specifically claims British ownership of "twat," which is obviously wrong.

There's more explanation at the link, if you can view it. If not, just remember it's because of those darn arsehole douche wankers on the other side of the pond wanting to keep their comedy to themselves.