Complex Numbers

Legally Binding

While one should never get their legal advice from an online comedy site, you might like this Cracked article about laws.

    5 Uniquely American Laws That Other Countries Don’t Seem To Need  

Yeah, I don't know if these are unique. And it's not like other countries don't have stupid laws, too. Hell, some of them still punish you for blasphemy.

The United States is a pretty weird country.

Which one isn't? Oh, yeah, Canada. Never mind.

Even though what’s supposed to be the famous, usually screamed tenet of America is freedom, the actual freedoms we do and don’t have are cherry-picked and puzzling.

Yeah, right. "Freedom."

So it’s unsurprising that there’s a whole lot of regulations and laws in the U.S. that haven’t fallen far from the apple tree — at best confusing, at worst fully oxymoronic.

Or just moronic.

Here are five American laws that are likely, in the eyes of other modern governments, incredibly dumb.

I always liked those lists of weird laws still on the books, like needing a license to wear penny loafers, or whatever.

These aren't those, though.

5. Female Lawmakers’ Backwards Dress Codes

Another point on the high school side of the scale is the fact that, despite being our chief legislative body, Congress still enforces a fucking dress code. And like most dress codes, it’s a whole lot more draconian when it comes to the female members.

That's idiotic, sure, but then there are still countries where "female lawmaker" is semantically and legally impossible.

Sure, Britain isn’t much looser, but they also think “fanny” is a cuss, so is that such a win?

That's what I've been saying.

4. Kinder Surprise Eggs Banned

Another common feel in American law is the conflict between a country that’s supposed to be advocating for freedom above all, while seemingly convinced that every American has the death drive of a baby lustily staring at the forbidden liquids beneath the sink. One place this pops out is in the absence of the Kinder Surprise Egg in American stores.

Meanwhile, far more hazardous products remain legal. You know what I mean.

3. Weird Real Egg Laws

Right, because no one else has weird laws about food.

2. Pharmaceutical Advertising

Everywhere else foolishly believes that if you need medication, your doctor probably isn’t relying on you to provide suggestions. It doesn’t help that the advertising is just as predatory as usual, mostly suggesting that if you don’t fix your allergies, your child will spit on you and leave you to cry in a musty robe while they go to the park to play with their other parent, who they now like more.

I despise almost all advertising, and it is kinda strange to push prescription medicine on the TV, but there are worse things to advertise. Homeopathy, e.g.

1. Sex With A Porcupine

And I'm done with the internet for today.