Up Through The Thermals

Chapter Three

The following morning Tyler woke up with aches and pains again. They seemed to be happening more and more. They were not particularly debilitating, just annoying. He made his cappuccino, had a little breakfast, and then debated if he should load his truck and go to the Goodwill? With these aches increasing, he decided to get it done before things worsened. He had only one rather heavy item, a dresser, but he figured he could tilt it onto the tailgate and push it into the bed of his truck.

Tyler had backed his truck up to his garage the evening before in case he decided to load his vehicle in the morning. As he opened the garage door, there was the roar of the neighbor's lawnmower. Realizing his neighbor's son, Neal, was out mowing the lawns, Tyler could just have him help with the dresser and maybe the heavier boxes. Tyler also paid Neal to mow his lawn. Tyler made eye contact with Neal as he opened his tailgate and gave him a little wave. Tyler liked Neal. They had always enjoyed a good relationship.

"Hi Tyler, going to cut yours today too," shouted Neal as he shut off his mower.

"Oh, that's great, Neal! Hey, you want to earn an easy extra twenty bucks?"

"Sure, of course."

"I need to load this stuff into my truck. Mostly just need help with the dresser and these heavier boxes."

"No problem, and you don't even have to pay me."

"Well, no, I insist. You have to take the $20.00."

"Okay," Neal laughed. "But only if I can help you load all of it."

"Okay, it's a deal."

They made quick work loading the truck up.

What's this other pile? You moving?" Neal asked.

"No, just some stuff I'm giving to my brother and sister." Tyler felt a moment of regret as if he were deceiving Neal. He did not like the feeling of guilt it created in him.

"Oh, I see. Well, there you go, all loaded up. You want to tie it in?"

"Yeah, sure. Let me grab some rope." Tyler and Neal finished tying the load in, and Tyler handed him the $20.00. "Thanks, Neal!"

"Anytime, Tyler," Neal smiled and walked across the driveway. He stopped about halfway and turned. "Hey, Tyler?"

"Yeah"

"When I came out this morning, there was one of those, what do you call them? A kettle? There was a kettle of vultures right over our neighborhood!"

"Really?"

"Yeah, I thought of you."

"That is so cool, Neal."

"Yeah, I think for the rest of my life, whenever I see a vulture, I will think of you."

As Tyler watched Neal starting his mower back up, he felt a heaviness in his heart. He felt sad.

After driving to Goodwill and unloading his truck, Tyler stopped by the bank and was happy to collect the money with no problem.

Tyler arrived at his home to find his lawn neatly cut. At that moment, he also wanted to write a note to Neal, feeling like today was the day to sit down and write out his four letters. Tyler sat down and began composing. It took him most of the afternoon, but he was happy with the result, and after he had finished, he felt more at peace with his decision and relieved to have his letters completed.

The following week seemed to fly by for Tyler. He picked up groceries and everything else he thought he might need for his time at the cabin. It was the evening before he would leave, and he found himself alone. He had intended to visit Ben and Jill sometime during the week before he went to the cabin. He just couldn't seem to get himself to their homes. He felt like a chicken shit for not even giving it much of a try.

"Hello"

"Hey Ben"

"Tyler! What's up, man?"

“Oh, not too much. Going to head up to that cabin for a few weeks tomorrow. Looking forward to getting away to figure everything out……, you know?"

"Yeah, you want me to come up for the weekend?"

"No, um, thanks. I really want a couple of weeks of alone time for some reason. I can let you know after that."

"Okay, sure. You got plenty of food and stuff to keep you busy?"

"Yeah, It's a beautiful place to sit and look at the hills and valleys below. I'll take some pics."

"Sounds nice."

"It is. Okay, well, love you, bro. I'll be in touch."

"Alright, Ty. Love you too. Just call if you need anything or some company."

"Okay, I will. Goodnight."

"Night, bro."

Tyler hung up the phone and dialed Jill's number.

"Hello"

"Hi, Jill!"

"Hi Tyler, I thought you would try to stop by this week."

"Well yeah….I was going to and then got so busy getting ready to go up to the cabin. Sorry I didn't make it by."

"You still going up there tomorrow, then?"

"Yep, going to get up early and drive up first thing."

"You know, I could come up for a few days if you want some company?"

"Thanks, sis. Ben said the same thing. I'll be there for several weeks, so maybe that last week. Hopefully, I will know what I want to do by then as far as treatment. I can try to call you in a couple of weeks."

"Okay, Ty. How are you? Are you doing alright? I'm worried about you."

"No, no, no need to worry. I'm good. Looking forward to getting away to this beautiful cabin and having some alone time."

"Tyler! You are the last person I know who needs more alone time. You are alone as it is all the time!"

"Well, okay," Tyler laughed. I am looking forward to some alone time in a glorious setting."

"You know if you need anything, you can give me a call?"

"I will, I promise. If I run out of chocolate, I'll call you and expect you to deliver a bag of Milky Ways by evening!"

"Okay, because you know I will!"

"Yes, I do, sis. Thanks for always being there for me. Really, I mean it."

"I know you do, Ty."

"Well, love you, Jill. I think I'm going to try to get some sleep."

"Love you too. Don't forget to call me."

"Okay, goodnight."

"Nighty night."

Tyler didn't get much sleep that night. He wrestled in his head about his plan, what it meant for him, and what it might mean for his loved ones. Tyler was glad he didn't have any children because, if he had, he could never go through with this. He was able to rationalize that his brother and sister were adults and they would survive this. He just hoped that they would understand. Tyler did not want to go through any treatment again. He was happy with his life, and as he was feeling weaker, he was also feeling ready to see his wife again and all that might lie ahead.

He was packed and ready to go and set out early for the drive up to the cabin. He stopped at the little A-frame drive-thru and picked up a double cappuccino and cheese danish for the road.

It was such a beautiful day for a drive through the mountains. Tyler thought Wendy would have loved driving here, hoping she was there with him now and would help him through this time.

As he was driving up the winding road to the cabin, he kept his eyes open, hoping to spot some roadkill he could bring up to feed his vulture friends. He had not gone too far up the mountain when he noticed what looked like a possum. He quickly pulled over and got out of his truck. There was little traffic as the sun had just risen, and people weren't out and about much yet. He walked toward the possum. It looked to have been hit numerous times overnight, was pretty gross, and Tyler did not feel like scraping it off the pavement. He figured there would be better gifts to bring for the vultures further up the mountain.

He had driven another 10 miles, passed a couple of dead skunks, and came across a fawn. It was so young; it still had its spots and must have been struck during the night. It looked as if it was just sleeping. He grabbed some latex gloves and put on a pair. As Tyler lifted the fawn into the back of his truck, he felt a sharp pain and a weakness in his body. It surprised him how heavy it felt. He put the tarp over it.

He continued up the mountain, and less than a mile from the cabin's driveway, he picked up a possum on the side of the road. It was not in bad shape but had started to smell some, probably been there a few days.

He pulled into the driveway, stopped at the gate, unlocked it, and then locked the gate up behind him after pulling through. He thought about how much he would have loved owning this property. It was beautiful and so peaceful.

After pulling up to the cabin and parking, Tyler walked around to the tree and found the keys right where Henry said they would be. He carried all his food and luggage into the cabin, putting everything neatly away. Stepping out onto the front porch, he took in a deep breath while at the same time taking in the beauty of this mountain retreat.

Tyler remembered seeing an old wheelbarrow near the shed in the back and, sure enough, there it was. Tyler pushed the wheelbarrow to his truck, and then after grabbing another pair of gloves, he loaded the fawn and the possum into it before moving toward the meadow. After about ten feet, he stopped and walked back to the cabin, where he grabbed the knife he had brought. Tyler pushed the vulture's gifts along the road to the trail with stops every twenty feet to catch his breath. He would take a few steps away to rest, as that possum did not smell too good. The trail was a little more work as it had roots and was up and down, but Tyler made it to the meadow before long. It was just as gorgeous as he remembered it. Looking out, one could see forever, with the morning fog down in the valleys.

Tyler decided to leave the fawn and possum down the hill about halfway between the trail and that small view deck. He threw the possum down the hillside, lifted the fawn out, and laid it in the grass. The fawn was so freshly killed that it would be easier for the vultures to tear at it with their beaks if Tyler cut into it with a knife. He opened its stomach and made a few other slices here and there. He would just have to wait for them to find it. Tyler felt good and satisfied that his plan was coming together. He was tired, though. It was time to take a little nap.

Later in the evening, after a bit of dinner, Tyler walked out to the meadow and enjoyed the beautiful sunset west into the ocean. Nothing had touched the fawn and possum.

The following morning Tyler took a little drive to see if there might be more roadkill. He drove several miles further up the mountain this time, hoping he might find some. Other than sightings of some older road kill well past salvaging, Tyler found nothing and drove back to the cabin. He thought that that was fine. He would try the next day again.

After having a little breakfast, Tyler took a walk out to the meadow. The possum and fawn looked undisturbed from the day before. On the deck, he laid back on a chaise, enjoying the morning breeze, the sounds of a few birds, and the meadow's quietness. He spent much of the morning there, hoping a vulture might come along for some breakfast. Although none came for breakfast, he saw some off in the distance flying along with their wobbly flight catching the different thermals.

He remembered when he was a little kid after Marcus had moved away and he no longer needed to fly. He didn't miss Marcus but did miss the flying, even though he didn't seem to have any control over it. He would fly past the power lines and beyond the treetops, looking down as he rose. He even had a clear memory of himself looking down to see his mother hanging laundry not more than 75 feet away from where Marcus was molesting him, Tyler being so quiet so they would not get caught. Tyler was so young and confused then, having no idea how fucked up it was, what was happening to him. He was too worried about getting caught even to realize the wrongs that were being done to him. At least Vulture had taught him well how to leave his body, fly away, and not feel the pain. After Marcus moved, Tyler would sometimes lay in the field still and quiet, just hoping Vulture would come down for a visit. He'd see Vulture up there, but he figured since he didn't smell dead, there was no reason for Vulture to come back for him, not like that first time.

I was about five

the first time I met Vulture.

My neighbor had already been raping me

in the backyard by then.

I think Vulture knew; enough was enough.

As he swooped down

I seemed to know instinctively how to grab on.

I had no fear of him.

It was like I'd always known him.

He didn't swoop down and take all of me.

He just took that inner part of me,

the part that could feel the pain.

Perhaps it was my soul.

I remember looking down on myself as we rose,

Vulture holding me up.

I could see the pain in my trembling body,

but no longer felt it.

Instead, I felt the strength in Vulture's wings

as he thrust us higher.

I sensed that he didn't want me

to see myself down there

as he reached for the thermal

that would take us away.

Once we were high enough

we took off in some other direction,

speeding along.

The feeling of flying with Vulture

was the most free and wonderful feeling.

I wanted it to last forever.

But after a while, we had to fly back.

Vulture could not keep me forever.

He had come to teach me, not to keep me.

It was then,

when he dropped me back in my body

that I knew.

I knew that I could make that part of me fly away

whenever I needed to.

After that day

I was nearly always able to fly

up in the sky when needed.

Years later, my neighbor had moved, and I no longer needed to fly.

In fact, I could no longer make myself fly.

I would lie in the field as still as possible

waiting and hoping

that Vulture would come back for me

so we could fly together once more.

Although he would circle high above,

he would not come for me again,

not like that first time.

But, Vulture has always been nearby.

He comes to me often but not to fly.

He comes to give me strength.

We will only fly together one more time.

And it will be the last flight for me in this lifetime.