Complex Numbers

Revisited: "Amazon"

Today is Throwback Day, and the random number generator pointed me to this short entry from October of 2018: "Amazon" 

It really is incredibly short, but I still have a few things to say.

Upon looking at my Amazon account today, I saw:

"Customer since 1997."

It was a better internet all around back then. Except for the relative lack of streaming video. I was in my "no TV" phase, because broadcast TV was crap, and I flat-out refused to pay for cable. "Wait, you want me to pay you and still have to watch idiotic commercials? No."

That's right. My Amazon account is now old enough to drink.

Obviously, it's even older now. Old enough to drink more due to disillusionment with life.

Which is ironic, because Drunk Me keeps buying surprises from Amazon for Sober Me, like Doctor Who boxed sets (complete with sonic screwdriver) and lame Halloween costumes. And, once, a breathalyzer.

That doesn't happen as much anymore. Not even during the pandemic. Not because I didn't get blitzed, but because Amazon has become difficult enough to figure out when sober, and almost impossible when you're reeling from that seventh shot of tequila.

Like, you go and search something simple, like, I don't know, Star Trek bedsheets. You'd expect, when searching for that particular three-word phrase, that it would bounce back a list of Star Trek-themed bed linens. But no. First you're confronted with Sponsored Items that have nothing to do with Star Trek, or sheets. Star Wars shower curtains. PVC plumbing supplies. DVD boxed sets of Survivor. Glitter-infused dildos. Electric drills. Psychedelic pencils. And then, after the barrage of ads, you still get the same eclectic mix of irrelevant (to the search terms) crap, with maybe, three pages in, one solitary offering of Star Trek bedsheets. For a single-sized bed. Which I suppose is fair.

I didn't actually search for Star Trek bedsheets while preparing this entry, so I don't know if those particular items come up. I don't want that in my "suggested items" list for the next ten years. It would be different stuff depending on what you've searched for before, which is fine; if you're going to give me ads, at least give me targeted ones. But my point is, there's a whole lot of irrelevant stuff, most of which don't actually have their names in their titles but search engine terms, like, I don't know, Home Generator Maintenance Supplies Maintenance Supplies for Home Generator Electrical Mechanical Bolts Nuts Replacement Parts Oil Pan Drain Plugs.

I really should get an ignition interlock breathalyzer for Amazon. I guess I haven't been drunk enough to do that yet.

Turns out I didn't have to, because Amazon has made it virtually impossible to browse drunk.

And I'm not even going to get into the other issues with the company. I'm only talking about the site's user interface, here.

I still use them, because if there's anything I hate worse than ads, it's shopping in an actual store in an actual building. But damn, I miss the days when it was just a bookstore.