Complex Numbers

Real and Complex

Well, that holiday's over. Hope everyone still has all their fingers. If not, I'm going to laugh, especially because people all around me were setting off illegal fireworks last night—some of them not quitting until 2am. No, it didn't keep me awake; I was awake anyway, listening for the siren sounds of screams and the screaming sounds of sirens. No luck either way, dammit. Well... one distant scream, but no follow-up siren.

Mean? Maybe. But at least I'm not faking positivity.

    Unexpected Ways Toxic Positivity Sneaks Its Sunshiny Way Into Your Day  

While this article is from almost exactly four years ago, I haven't seen much improvement in attitudes, so here it is.

Our culture's smiley insistence on feeling happy 24/7 now has its own name: "toxic positivity." And this happiness pressure has started to raise concern among mental health experts.

As I am not a mental health expert, I'm not concerned; I'm just annoyed. More annoyed than by the aforementioned fireworks last night.

I reached out to Dr. Allison Niebes-Davis, a licensed clinical psychologist, for her professional definition of the problem: "Toxic positivity is an oversimplified approach to difficult stuff. It insists on people only seeing the bright side, that they be happy, cheerful, and positive. Phrases like 'Just think positive,' 'It’ll get better,' and 'Everything happens for a reason' are frequent offenders."

Several sayings are guaranteed to light my fuse, and those are three of them. Mostly that last one. If I punch you in the mouth after saying it, there was a reason for that.

Actually, "It'll get better" doesn't bug me that much, but "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger" does (it's demonstrably untrue).

As for "just think positive," I'm positive that we're doomed, and this is just more evidence of that.

As Dr. Niebes-Davis explains to Romper, "Toxic positivity minimizes painful emotions and downplays difficult experiences. It sends a subtle but clear message that there’s no space for sadness or tough stuff. When we insist on only looking at the positive, we shame people for struggling, and as a result, they often feel isolated and alone."

I forgot to mention, in case you haven't clicked yet, that the site I linked above is unfortunately named Romper.

Below I point out the top three ways it sneaks its rainbow-patterned way into your day.

Because it's Romper, and not Cracked, the list actually counts up from 1.

1. Social Media

I avoid social media not just because of toxic positivity, but also its opposite. Occasionally, something good will happen there, but those rare instances usually sneak out into my attention sphere anyway.

Anyone who's spent any time on Insta is well aware of the endless #positivevibes posts, usually featuring someone in a stylish white fedora hanging off the back of a yacht somewhere off the coast of Croatia. (Guess what, Genius Fedora Woman? It's pretty easy to be positive in that sitch.)

See? Money can buy happiness.

Take stock of your emotional state post-scroll.

Or—and I know I'm fighting an uphill battle here—avoid social media entirely, or at least curate your feeds better. Or whatever it is you do these days. As of this writing, the former has gotten easier for Twatter, which to me is a positive thing.

2. Happiness Merch

I'm detecting a tendency on the author's part to use cutesy abbreviations, which is also setting me off like a Fourth of July firecracker.

There currently seems to be a surplus of products featuring not-so-subliminal messages of positivity. Happiness is clearly #onbrand.

Not to mention number signs. If Twutter goes away, will pound signs? Actually, the name of the symbol is "octothorpe," which I only mention because that's an awesome word.

Maybe you just lost your job. Or your dog. Or your mind. You certainly don't want to "Smile!" You probably want to go home and shatter your "Good Vibes Only" mug with ball-peen hammer. And if so, well that is a perfectly normal and healthy response! As Dr. Niebes-Davis wisely reminds us: "Some things just aren’t happy. Some situations just can’t be made shiny."

The phrase is, "you can't polish a turd." Or something to that effect.

3. Friends IRL

Get better friends.

How are they when you try to open up about your struggles? Are they able to just sit with you and your feelings? Or do they immediately try to talk you out of your emotions, and put a "positive" spin on your pain?

"I don't want to be around negative people, so either cheer up, or go away until you do."

While trying to "stay positive" can of course be a good and sometimes necessary strategy for getting up and plowing through yet another day as a mortal being scurrying over a dying rock floating through space...

I'm just including this bit because I love the phrasing, which makes up for the precious abbreviations earlier.

And that's what's it's all about, right? The positive and the negative. As writer Harlan Ellison so wisely mused: "For without pain, there can be no pleasure. Without sadness, there can be no happiness. Without misery there can be no beauty. And without these, life is endless, hopeless, doomed and damned."

All due respect to the great Harlan Ellison, I think the great philosopher duo of Beavis and Butt-Head put it more succinctly:

"If everything was cool, and nothing sucked, how would we know what was cool?"