My Conversion Story Journal

June 19, 2023

Today I read Jewish Crash Course #52 from Aish History. I get an email every day with a short article describing an important event in history. #52 was about the Hassidic Movement. It was directed toward the poor at first, but it spread. I noticed that the Rabbis were given names that started with Ba'al. I learned that it means "master" or "expert". There are things from that movement that drew me to it, like spirituality infused in everything, every part of life. This is one of the things I love about Judiaism. Everything we have is because of Hashem and I cannot imagine a greater way to show Him that we are grateful and love Him than to thank Him and include Him in everything we do, eat,and think about. There are a couple emails I obviously missed because I did not learn about the false messiah Shabbetai Tzvi. I have to find that one and read that one. I agree with Vilna Gaon that the idea that G-d is "in all things" is too close to pantheism. If God is in all things then we can worship anything because we would be worshiping part of G-d. This is obviously not Torah and not okay in any way. I was drawn to Chabad and agree with their way of thinking, interpretation, and worship of Hashem. Chabad stands for: wisdom understanding and knoweledge.

This leads into the women's Tanya class that I attended tonight. We heard about how the soul came from G-d's innermost being (which, of course, I have heard in other Chabad classes) and that it is from the name of Hashem: Yud, Hay, Vuv, Hay. At the end she posed the question, "How does knowing your soul is from the name of Hashem affect you?" The Tanya says that "the letters and words" (he spoke everything into existence) "contains the holiness of G-d's will and wisdom." All of this learning about the depth of our existence and what Hashem gave of himself to create us, create me, is hitting me hard right now. What it means for my worth as a human being and creation of Hashem and what it means for everyone I meet and how much love Hashem has for them to create them with a piece of his innermost being. It takes the golden rule to a new level. Loving your neighbor is a given because of Hashem's gift of life in them. Loving your neighbor is loving Hashem because we obviously matter more to him than we ould ever fathom. I want ot hold ontho this knowedge of the depth of God's love and grace and what we mean to him. How could I ever be dso down on myself or think bad about myself i G-d thought so much of me to create me so I could be loved and close ot him. I am in no way capturing all that what is going on in my mind and heart, but it is almost midnight and I Have to get up in 5 hours to start another long day. There's just so much good stuff ot learn it's hard to stop. I didn't even get a chance to tell you about my Hebre lesson today.

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Celebrating no matter what

Some gripe that they cannot reach out for G-d's help because they are not worthy.

Others celebrate that, as unworthy as they are, they have a G-d who answers their cries.

Wisdom to Heal the Earth by Tzvi Freeman