My Conversion Story Journal

June 23, 2023

I'm making cholent for the first time. I've never cooked with pearle barley before or anything for a full 16 hours before so I'm a bit nervous. I added a few carrots because some recipes had it added and it is a type of stew. I'm lighting the candles tonight for the first time ever. They are small battery operated candles because I am not allowed to have an open flame in my apartment. I have not tried challah yet. I will this week after making my banana bread.

My friend emailed me the other day. He sent me a couple songs and we spent the day emailing back and forth about the meaning of the lyrics. I hadn't talked to him since the end of school. I know he wants me to share more with him and ask questions (about my conversion), but when I heard he said that he couldn't do this again because his ex-wife had converted for him, I feel it would be wrong to have him too involved. We are only friends first of all, and secondly, I can't do anything that I know might hurt him. Not only is he a friend that I care about, but that is also just who I am. He is my friend and he doesn't have to hurt because of my decision to convert. He has emailed me and told me that he's a man and not soft, but it's still hard to share when I don't know where the line of okay and bad memories lies. I care too much about people to hurt them on purpose.

Candle lighting time is in 19 minutes. I have nothing prepared for dinner tonight because I wasn't hungry. I will have a bowl of cereal ready for my first shabbat dinner which is fine since I am home alone.

I had my Hebrew practice lesson today. It went better than expected. I am no whiz for sure. At the end, GZ ended with Shabbat Shalom. On my first candle lighting and since I am experiencing this amazing even by myself, that Shabbat Shalom will always hold special meaning.