Perpetual Ruminations

How Fabian Bon Jean Became Paul Bunyan

This entry was inspired by an entry in Robert Waltz book, "Complex Numbers" , titled: "The Man, The Myth, The Reality" 

Living in Minnesota, Paul Bunyan is pretty well known, except I think things may have gotten a bit mixed up with time and the tales of other lumberjacks. I have no way to prove any of this, but in my version, it wasn't Paul, but Pauline who swung that mighty axe and felled an entire forest in one winter.

Pauline Fournier stood a massive 6'10" and weighed an impressive 264 lbs and this giantess of a woman was all muscle and attitude. Pauline was a lumber camp cook who during an extremely cold, long, and brutal Minnesota winter, had a fling with a lumberjack named Bon Jean which resulted in the birth of a son she named Fabian. Later, the two lovebirds were wed, and Fabian took his stepfather's name, so Fabian became, Fabian Bon Jean. Having a terrible lisp and stutter, however, it sounded to others like he was trying to say his name was Thaybean Bonyene, which everyone understood him to say, Thabene Bunyan, so they just called him Bunyan. Since this was easier for him, he just went with it.

One terrible winter, Bunyan slipped on some ice, injured his leg, and wasn't able to chop wood. Needing the income, his mother stepped in and exchanged her apron for his axe and while Bunyan cooked up flap-jacks and beans, she went out and chopped massive amounts of wood. So much, in fact, that when she hooked up her ox, Babe, to drag the logs out the poor critter turned blue under the load.

Well, to make a long story shorter, she did this every day until Bunyan was able to chop again. Once he was back on his feet, Pauline and Bon Jean left the north woods and opened up a pancake house in Minneapolis.

Later that spring, the straw boss showed up at camp and was impressed with the massive amount of wood chopped that winter. He wanted to know who this Pauline was who had cut so much. He told the other lumberjacks he wanted to offer her a big raise. He also told them he was going to lay off all the slackers!

Knowing most of them would be replaced by this female lumberjack if the truth was told, they said it was Bunyan, who because of his terrible lisp and stuttering, had sounded like his name was Pauline, but was in fact, just Paul; Paul Bunyan.

They all stuck to their story and of course, now called him Paul Bunyan so the straw boss wouldn't catch their lie. Paul Bunyan became famous, they kept their jobs, and Pauline and Bon Jean ran a very successful pancake house in Minneapolis. In fact, in time their pancakes were talked about around the world! As a result, they changed the name from Pauline's House of Pancakes to International House of Pancakes, which as you know, is shortened to IHOP.

Hey, this is my version, and unless you can prove otherwise, this is the honest-to-blue-ox truth!

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