October Prep 2023

Day 21: Setting Description

By day the gates of the pier at Llandudno are not even noticeable. You walk past small shops selling burgers, hot drinks, sweets, plastic seaside novelties, and a large fish and chip stall where the food is prepared on an upper layer before being slid down either of two chutes to be passed over to hungry customers. Smells mingle, sometimes the fried onions have the upper hand, then the vinegar and hot oil, punctuated by wafts of coffee. The chatter of happy humanity intent on enjoying itself surrounds you.

There are dogs on leads, some placidly plodding along,others straining and panting with excitement, prone to the occasional yip or snarl, the hoarse excited bark. Mums, dads or grandparents proudly push their offspring along before them. As is usual some try to keep politely to one side or the other to facilitate the flow, and others, well they meander about like they own the place and expect everyone else to get out of their way. Whole families spread themselves across the way, grudgingly turning to allow oncomers to get past.

Here an ancient scale stands, for just fifty pence it will tell you your weight. It is painted blue and has a heavy Victorian look to it. Perhaps it even is that old, with just the coin slot altered to keepo up with inflation.

A voice hails you. "You there, yes you. Don't be shy, I see you. Come and let Zoltar tell your fortune yes?" The gypsy fortune teller demands a pound, and will then provide a cheap yellow card with your fortune and lucky numbers. He always finishes by suggesting that you give him more money to learn "even more secrets."

Zoltar guards the entrance to an arcade. The outside has rides for small children. Friendly fire trucks, oversized rabbits or a bright pink car, all with seats and sounds to thrill and amuse. Within there are slot machines and games for older children of all ages, There is a constant drone of beeps, clicks, whistles and electronic warbles. Every machine seems to have flashing lights, looping endlessly in a programmed display, so as to draw the eye.

Moving beyond the arcade is a row of shops in which are sold hats, small plastic figures, holiday lettings of caravans, books, and compact disks. From this last you hear from speakers strategically mounted all along the pier, the songs of yesteryear. Johnny Cash sings "Ring of Fire", the Sweet "Blockbuster", ABBA bring you "Waterloo." Another shop is filled with metallic rectangles for you home, these replicate old posters and signs, or else have useful messages that tell you it is always Gin-O-Clock, or that this is Dad's Shed and he can't be held responsible for anything that happens within.

Then there's the big wheel. This is a fairly new attraction, just a few years old, custom built by Lamborghini, yes THAT Lamborghini. It is actually better seen from a distance, as the frame is illuminated by ever changing led lights, over ten thousand of them and they draw patterns, splash stars, spiral and delight.

Then there are more stalls, these are selling cheeses, pies, ice creams. Opposite them are aged tea rooms, once bustling, they are a part of the Grand hotel, that towers over this end of the pier. Now they are usually empty, and often not open at all.

A grid marks the start of the pier proper. From here on you can look down through the slats, and see the sea below you. Some of teh wooden slats are very new, as the pier is well maintained, and though sometimes you see rust and signs of wear, elsewhere it is fresh paint and new strong wood.

There is an area of children's rides. Multicoloured slides undulate down to inflated bags in bright colours. Teapots circle and swirl each carrying a small person, happy or scared, smiling or weeping, as is the way of small people. You could try your luck at the hook-a-duck, and win a prize for sure. The old shooting gallery is gone now, but you can still aim a jet of water at various targets, to produce amusing effects, but beware, some of them squirt back.

If you like you can have your picture taken, so long as you like looking like a Victorian that is.

More ice-creams, and seating, in case your journey has already tired you. A stall sells exotic sea-shells and shells with googly eyes stuck on and for some unknown reason children's slippers.

The rest of the pier stretches away before you. Now you have a view on either side. To your left you could turn and see the sweep of the promenade, and all the big hotels in a long curve, or look at the Little Orme and the sea surrounding it. You might see the Sea-Jay setting out or coming back from one of it's 'One hour guaranteed trips around the Great Orme, that huge rocky outcrop which is conveniently to your left.

There are a lot of benches along the pier. Pretty much all of them are paid for or sponsored by the family of someone who once loved this pier, and is now no longer with us. Small brass plaques tell you that This bench is 'To the fond memory of Edith and Arthur Bloggs, cherished parents, grandparents and great grandparents.' Piers are very much family places. Some of the benches have small bunches of flowers, for the fondly remembered.

Strolling along you hear gulls wheedling or laughing, crying, screaming or cackling. They have a lot to say, as they watch with beady eyes for the opportunity to strike and steal food. Easy pickings for the feathery thieves.

There's a telescope, which for a small gratuity will allow you a few minutes to stare very closely at the sea. However if this is not to your fancy, you could turn and look up to Happy Valley, where 'Llandudno' is spelled out through the cut turf, though whether the name is in flowers or clay or concrete, I'm afraid I couldn't tell you.

Now we approach the end of the pier. At the centre of this is another amusement arcade, flanked by a small boating pool, (again for the smaller folk amongst us); a bar, with seating and metal floor plates to protect us from the careless cigarette; and a cafe. Food and drink are vital to your enjoyment of the pier, but in recognition of their likely consequences, you are also rewarded with public conveniences, (although an honesty box is provided as keeping a pier alive is rather expensive you know).

A walk around the central building with it's Victorian metal decor and various gaudy additions, reveals that at the very end of the pier is an area for fishing off, and also steps that once allowed boats to pull along and passengers to board or disembark, though I don't think that happens any more.

Do you have any money left? Well, now you have to walk all the way back, and I forgot to mention the stalls selling dog treats; ice creams (no not the other two, this is another one); funny pictures of seagulls and rams and cats; semi-precious stones; wooden furniture, (delivered anywhere in the country for a small additional fee); and yes 'Harry Potter' memorabilia, (what Pier would be complete without this?)

Don't forget as you amble back, to try not to walk between the lady with the phone taking a picture of the smiling group on the other side of the pier! Thank you.