Everyday Canvas

Handling...

Prompt: What is something you are struggling with and how are you dealing with it? Write about this in your Blog entry today.

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Now that I am re-discovering the stoics, I look at most struggles as challenges to learn from. Yet, someone's passing away is very difficult to handle, if it's someone too close for any philosophy to take away the pain.

That, I'm learning, takes time. I have been struggling for the last three years with the passing of my husband of 54 years, as we were very close in life and, I believe, we still are in death. I am, however, learning the acceptance of it along the way. It is not perfect, yet, but at least, I'm functioning much better than, say, a year ago.

Yes, it is a struggle. But I had no choice, from the beginning, to accept that struggle. Denial was never my forte and I knew it only would prolong the pain. Then, to me, acceptance is understanding that death is a part of life and its acceptance doesn't really mean resignation. It means I stop against the struggle and start working with it, despite the pain.

If this were some other kind of struggle, I would probably try to identify its cause, external circumstances, my personal weaknesses on the subject, and things like that. But it was not. Nothing can be done or smoothed over against death.

I'm not the kind of person who seeks outside support or creates plans to take action on anything. In this case, I could only force to be patient with myself and to stay positive as much as I could, at least on the side issues.

I have to say, of all things I did and still do, keeping my mind busy helps my mood. Along the way, I came up with a couple of exercises. Although it sounds silly, they help with the way I feel. One of them is a to-do list for each day. I make long lists for each day from the night before, and if I cannot finish the list at the end of the day, it is okay. That list is a road-map which helps my mind not to wonder and get lost along the way. And the second must-list I write down, before noon each day, has 10 things on it that made me smile or feel good so far in the day. The items on the list can be as simple as a kind word or action from someone, the sight of a butterfly on a bush, my cat's meow, or the leaves dancing in the breeze. In fact, the smallest the joy, the better it is for the list.

As for stoicism, about two years ago, I began reading Marcus Aurelius's Meditations. Although I had read it during my teen years, this time it rang a bell. From it, I ventured on to read the works of other stoics. Seneca had always been my favorite, but I discovered, through my reading of all stoics, many ways of handling life and what it throws on a person's way.

I guess, for some people, religion can do something similar, also. Although I am a big believer in God and religion, in addition to such beliefs, I found out and I am still finding out that stoicism comes up with very practical, do-able life advice. In fact, YouTube has many videos of do-this or don't-do-that kind of advice from the stoics. I don't have to apply all of it to my life, but mostly, they do help, for they are usually offered in a nutshell.

I know everyone faces challenges and we need to find and get support from wherever we can. I hope, for people with any kind of struggle, time and effort will help greatly if they are patient with themselves and can remember that progress is often very slow and small things should be celebrated along the way.


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