Porthole

40th week and winter solstice, 180 BE.

On-line article:

Even in a religious society, telling someone that you’ll pray for them can come across as disingenuous. Praying is all fine and good, and some people are well-meaning and the like, but it’s not really a show of sympathy, and it’s not really particularly helpful either.


It extends to other places this statement is used, such as in online circles and beyond. Maybe instead, we can try and come up with some genuine heartfelt words that sound sincere and isn’t the same parrotted statements.

To Storm:

Time by volume... like filling up a balloon or a room or... I dunno. My morning routine was about 1 meter squared... cut in half. How many squares can I stack in a day? What's the size of my room/body/life I inhabit?

I'm filling up my time dog paddling through this experience in Thailand. I figure that swimming is better than drowning. Been there before.

My relationship... is rocky at the moment. Nice 1 minute snuggle this morning; but frankly, I want more. Regardless of his issues... I could use a therapist to help me deal with mine.

My back is doing somewhat better with daily exercise (or exorcise as I call it). I don't take good care of myself when I'm alone. I shouldn't be alone.

My chiropractor friend told me a long time ago (over 20 years) that one of my issues was my mother. She used Bio-Energetic Synchronization Technique (B.E.S.T.) if I remember right. When my mother died last year at age 99 I felt a weight lifting. I was 'free'. Mind you, she'd become a sweet old lady; but, my inner child still remembered the Before Times. I find it sad in retrospect.


To Robert:

1. "I really want to _____.

2. "If you take the attitude [...] that you're only doing what you want to do [...] then all the time is yours.

3. "If there's something you think you want to do, but never seem to have the time to do it, then maybe you don't really want to do it."

I feel better when I WANT to exercise in the morning. I do it regardless because it has truly helped me. But I don't "work" and mornings were the bane of my existence when I did. After two cups of coffee and 10 a.m. you can talk to me now.

I decided in 2009 (long time ago for Gen Z) that I finally wanted to go back to Costa Rica. Took me 35 years, but I've written about that ad nauseam. That led to travel, something I remembered wanting to do when I was 11. Advice: listen to your inner child.

I wanted to come to Thailand. So, I did. I didn't "have to". Now, I'm divided. Part of me wants to leave soon, part of me wants to leave later, part of me wants to just stay. I will "have to" leave but whether I come back depends on want versus need.

I only have so much time. I can waste it or spend it. Either way the Hourglass empties. My work-life wasn't totally wasted. It just felt like that at times. Would I have been happier chasing happiness rather than showing up for a paycheck so I could eat?


The Solstice cometh. It's drier and cooler in Isan in north-east Thailand. The sun doesn't burn as much and shadows are longer. I can keep the windows open when the air pollution isn't dangerous. Folks are out and about a tad more. In Troms in Northern Norway the sun set around November 21st. It won't peek above the horizon until Soldag... around January 19th. In Montana it's just cold and snowy. Where I grew up... ditto.

(exercise) = Exor. (observations) = obsv. (s***,shave,shower) = ss&s. (read something) = read. (comment blogs) = bogs. (BoyLove series on-line) = ytBL. (Thai TV BL series on GMMTV25) = tv25. (write poetry or prose) = PorP. (take a daily walk) = walk. (buy something) = shop. (take a photo) = foto. (video) = วิดีโอ. (speak Thai/Lao) = pôod. (learn Thai) Thai. (go-into-the-water) = pool. (clothes) = wash. (cook something) = cook. (tidy up) = mess. (travel) = trip. (noon) = เที่ยง. (talking to ex-pats/travelers/strangers in European) = chat. (Thai teaching book) = book. (hand written journal) = jour. (contests) = test. (water) = agua. (National Blog Post Month) NBPM. Groan


24 desember 24 ธันวาคม

PorP. ""Lefty" D23 #18 40w 'demonstrate'" 
exor. 300/300/300/300 = 1200. 10:47-11:22. 70-ish. Uninterested.
obsv. breeze; chairs stacked; small clouds; unhappy thoughts.
ytBL. Last Twilight "Mee took her shadow by the hand." Watched Ep.7 with subtitles.
เที่ยง. 72 degrees. AQ 51 (poor)

PorP. ""Nazaré" Dec24 #19 40w 'brave'"  This should fulfill the requirements of the challenge.
ss&s. Late, but better than never. Put on a short sleeve but heavy fabric shirt. Red, of course.
walk.
foto. bao.
shop. merit flowers, buns, coffee.

Pan seems a bit better; but, he sleeps and says little. He isn't here when he works and he isn't here when he's here. He slept a lot but he's cooking, a good sign.

23 desember 23 ธันวาคม

bogs. Robert/Storm/Tracker
exor. 300/300/260/300 = 1160. Very windy. A chill 55 degrees.
foto. "Back to School", Nong Lek.
ss&s.
เที่ยง. 73 degrees. Noon here is midnight WDC. It means I'm now on 'today' for my posts... Today that's okay, but sometimes it's a pain.
blog. "Sleeping Beauty"  and "R U A ... article from 1941!" .
walk. Nong Bua and Nong Lek. Nasty trash and nasty dogs.
tv25. "Cherry Magic" Interesting but I was also trying to take care of Pan.

It took me 1 hour to get Pan to take his meds. He's hot-and-cold (Hot-brow; frozen-hands). I'm truly upset... again. He comes home and promptly gets sick. This is not the life I signed up for. I'm distraught because I don't know what to do and I fear doing something wrong.

22 desember 22 ธันวาคม

bogs. Mighty/Crabby/Apondia/Kat
exor. 300/300/300/300 = 1200. Very cold wind chill. 10:00-10:26. 66 degrees.
foto.
obsv. green and red banners, cold brisk breeze, one dove, laundry hanging fragrant, cough, warm sun.
ss&s. Checked off before I did it because I don't want to... Now I must. Scrubbed toes.
เที่ยง. 69 degrees
PorP. ""No Gift From Santa This Year" D22 #17 40w 'poverty'" 
walk.
agua. 10 liters (5 today; 5 yesterday)
blog. "Close family and friends... "Once Upon A Time"" 
tv25. "Last Twilight"

Pan came home earlier than I expected. He feels... distant. Thais do pleasant but distant well; so, I don't know what to think at the moment. He got up to cook, but... *sigh*

To Seven: My generation didn't move around as much. Once we did it was harder to keep in touch. My younger sister though still lives in the same house since she was born.

Pittsburgh... wonder whether we still have family there. My Aunt Verna lived her entire life in Jeannette and Uncle Jerry was in the vicinity. New York, Arizona, Washington, Texas, Arkansas, Florida, California, New Jersey... people drifted or ran away. Once my grandfather died and my uncle whisked my grandmother away, the family fell apart. It took years for me to realize that they were never close to begin with.

My father's family (centered in WNY), as grouchy as Olde Swedes can be, did much better. I even have cousins in South Carolina in the Greenville area. I should call and say hello...

I'm happy to read this entry. It contrasts to my isolation, loneliness and depression in Montana and Thailand. I didn't have a close network of friends growing up but I was looking forward to our HS class reunion. Then covid...

You are blessed. It's great to have friends around the world (there are wonderful people everywhere ), but last night there was no one to talk to. I did get good advice from an Aussie I met in Costa Rica who is relaxing in Ecuador... but it's not the same as sitting at the kitchen table (we were kitchen folks) playing cards.

And... "This entry went exactly where it needed to go. I don't drink alcohol; but, All Hail Mimosa!

I'm a bit like both of you. I'm warm but can be no nonsense. I'm a day dreamer who overthinks and overplans. Finding someone to compliment me has been a lifelong struggle. I want someone to be my 'home' but want to take them with me. Maybe I need a dog?"

21 desember 21 ธันวาคม

exor. 400/300/400/500 = 1600. 59-61 degrees. Cold. 07:36-08:07.
bogs. Jennifer/Joy/Tracker
cook. Salmon steamed over rice mixed with potato/carrot/garlic/egg.
เที่ยง. 77 degrees.
PorP. ""Breakfast Break" D21 #16 40w 'beaker'" 
ss&s.
tv25. Faceless Love ... but not into it tonight.
blog. "Avoidance and lying." 

To?: I have realized that I shouldn't live alone. Unless it's a wee cottage in the Cotswold with a wee cat on me lap. Distance is definitely a factor in my family. In general this American notion that old folks should move to Florida to golf with other old folks hasn't helped maintain family units or communication between generations.

Thanksgiving follows harvest time and a time of plenty. Makes sense to finally rest. Winter in the North was also a time of rest.

Many customs are 'transplanted'. I grew up in an area that embraced the German traditions. Costa Rica embraced the Mediterranean customs. In Thailand the Northern European version has become plastic and commercial. The lights are nice though.

To Joey: Not the Christianity surrounding me when I was a child. And that's the problem. It would be nice if Christians would put the words of Christ at the center of their beliefs.

To Sharon: Yes. Exactly. They aren't the Words of Christ and have no right to be the center of any belief system named after Him. I'd quote Psalm 137.9 but you are quite aware of that awful verse.

20 desember 20 ธันวาคม

exor. 350/300/300/300 = 1250. Approximate. 68-75 degrees. 08:54-09:26.
obsv. tables, lights, bees mostly gone?, fly, sea of purple trumpets, 3 xmas trees.
ss&s. scrubbed toes a tad; mustache mostly gone.
bogs. NormaJean/MRobert/Brian
เที่ยง. 82 degrees.
blog. "Lonely Ghost"  And 5 comments. Thank you.
PorP. ""Miss Pauline Katherine Jensen" D19 #15 40w 'still'" 
tv25. Faceless Love... but it doesn't thrill me. Pretty actors; office based; not deep.
Thai. body parts. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R3FxhwPWVm8

Pan came home... briefly... makes me very sad.

Shadows and Light

19 desember 19 ธันวาคม

Thai. Scold me! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hWl6BkBghTg
PorP. ""Let it go" D18 #14 39w 'carrying'" 
exor. 400/400/400/500 = 1700. 75 degrees. 09:44-10:29. Slow and easy today.
obsv. fresh mown grass (petrichor?); noisy mower; wood bee; worker chatter; metal clatter (scaffold); heron hoot; bird twatter...
ss&s.
bogs. Beholden/Mouse/Whirls
เที่ยง. 82 degrees
blog. "Just because I'm 'silly'." 

18 desember 18 ธันวาคม

exor. 300/300/300/300 = 1200. Lackadaisical. 09:59-10:24 75 degrees.
PorP. ""TM" D17 #13 40w 'truth'" 
bogs. Kitti/Carolyn/Flick and Robin.
"It takes a village" — local, regional, global. Knowledge is kept alive by those who cherish it."
เที่ยง. 81 degrees.
blog. "Happy? Unhappy?" 
foto. I inhale your fragrance so I'll remember long after I am gone know that you are forever loved
pôod.
walk.
shop. กาแฟ (red,green,blue), ซื้อต้มข่าไก่

9000 views