Complex Numbers

The Grammar Hammer

Another reason to use good grammar and spelling: you'd be contributing to public health.

    Grammar Goofs Make Your Heart Skip: The Stressful Beat of Misused Language  

Unless, of course, you're an evil villain whose sole purpose is to create as much chaos, illness, and discord as you can without getting caught.

Summary: A novel study uncovers our physiological response to misused grammar. Researchers identified a direct link between grammatical errors and a change in Heart Rate Variability (HRV).

This appears to be legitimate science, by the way. I don't know if it's been replicated or even peer-reviewed. It gives the answer I want, though, so I'm highlighting it.

When confronted with bad grammar, subjects’ HRVs indicated increased stress levels.

Hm. Someone should do a similar study for puns.

A new study by professors at the University of Birmingham has revealed for the first time how our bodies go into stress-mode when hearing misused grammar.

So, see? It's not just me or your English teacher.

HRV captures the time between successive heart beats. The length of the intervals between a person’s successive heart beats tends to be variable when they are relaxed but becomes more regular when they are stressed.

Now, that seems counterintuitive, but that's why we do science.

I don't really need to comment further; the article is there at the link. If I weren't lazy, I'd turn this into a villain's superpower and write stories about it. But I am lazy.