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A collection of stories about my family's trip to the movies going sour quite fast! |
The following story contains material that may offend some readers. Reader discretion is advised! It was Monday, January 15th, 2024, and you have once again, been woken up rudely by your wife! You ask her what is wrong and she tells you to check out Facebook real fast! You do and what you saw made you get rattled to your core...YOUR FATHER'S FAVORITE SANDWICH SHOP HAS BEEN CLOSED DOWN!!! Upset with the news, you and your wife would quickly drive over there to see if it is true and, to your horror, it was... You and your wife would then bust out crying, crying your eyeballs out like someone has just died right then and there, even though the owners have moved out long ago! Just then, your mourning would be interrupted by your rumbling guts...you then decided that a good plate or 2 or 10 of Chinese food would help cheer you up over this tragedy! However, when you get to the Chinese restaurant, you would see that it was closed also, but for a different reason... "Sorry, we are closed today due to Martin Luther King Day! We will be open again tomorrow! Sorry for the inconvenience!" HOW FUCKING DARE THEY CLOSE ON A DAY YOU NEEDED THEM THE MOST!!! AND WHO THE FUCK IS MARTIN LUTHER KING?!? WHOEVER THE HELL HE IS, HE SOUNDS LIKE A POMPOUS ASSHOLE WHO NEEDS TO HAVE HIS ASS KICKED AND HIS EGO SERVED BACK TO HIM ON A SILVER PLATTER!!! FUCK THE CHINESE AND FUCK MARTIN LUTHER KING!!! Enraged, you would storm home and stomp into the kitchen! You would be so mad, that you can't even convince yourself to start cooking! Instead, you decided to do something that you have gotten a habit of doing...calling up your sister and having her cook you up a big pot of roast! "Hey Sister, can you do your brother a loving favor and cook me up a roast?" "Hey brother, look, I love you and all, but I'm really tired right now! I had a very long work shift last night and..." "BITCH, DON'T TALK BACK TO ME! COOK ME UP A DAMN ROAST AND BRING IT OVER HERE PRONTO!!!" You would then slam the phone down! Hours later, your sister would arrive with a piping hot pot of pot roast! You would quickly get yourself a hearty plate and would eat some of it. However, instead of a mouth full of flavor, you didn't get such a good flavor...enraged, you would ask your sister what she did different while cooking it, and she would tell you that she has used...HEALTHY INGREDIENTS TO COOK YOUR ROAST!!! HOW FUCKING DARE SHE!!! As you keep making a mess and throwing food around while destroying things in the kitchen, your sister and her family would run out of the house as your kids start to cry their eyeballs out! (Warning: the following media contains actual children getting distraught. If this upsets you, DO NOT PLAY!) On Wednesday, January 17th, 2024, you would be doing another live-stream when your wife runs into your office and tells you that your brother Ross is mouthing off on Twitter again! Apparently, he stated that you should "stop crying so much for a damn sandwich shop and if you wanted to go to a new one, go to Subway or something..." OH THAT FUCKING TEARS IT! You would ask your wife to put the kids to sleep...because you are paying this bastard another visit! You and your wife would pull up to the bastard's house and see only his roommate there! You check his Twitter again and find out that he is picking up chili dogs from a nearby restaurant. As you and your wife make plans to seek vengeance for a sandwich shop, you would see a familiar looking beat-up Jeep pulling up close from behind and stomping on the breaks...you knew who it was... You would angrily get out of your SUV and try to approach your brother, but before you could even swing a meaty fist, a rain of fists would come upon your face! Everything would seem to be spinning around you until police sirens show up and you fall onto your back as you see red and blue lights. As you try to get up, one of the officers would have a taser aimed right at you! Before you could speak in your own defense, the officer would fire the taser and shock the crap out of you! As you lay in your brother's drive-way steaming, your wife would try to defend you, but she would get cuffed as well! You both would be chucked into the back of a cop car and charged with trespassing! As you both get hauled off to jail, Ross's roommate would post the following video to your latest Facebook post: |