My Conversion Story Journal

January 20,2023

Lashon Hara is negative talk about someone. It includes gossip, which I have been dealing with at work for two years now. I'm sorry to my friend that these rumors are centered around. Why is this significant to my conversion? One word:

Shabbat.

One thing I love about Shabbat is that I don't have to deal with rumors. The ladies (and gentlemen) I get to see every week don't spend Shabbat gossiping. They share inspiring stories, pray together and for one another. They do everything they can to lift one another up and spread joy.

At lunch today we talked about hanging around people that you want to emulate. Though lashon hara was not the topic of conversation (not even close) it still fits. If we want to gossip, we hang around people who gossip. If we want to be happy, we hang around people who make us happy.

I love to pray, to worship G-d, and to do things to make others happy. On Shabbat that is the type of people I get to hand around. People who love to pray. People who worship G-d. People who go out of their way (I've seen many times and feel so blessed to be able to witness this) to make others feel happy.

I am blessed every Shabbat with a story of encouragement, an example of faith in action, warm smiles, and real holiness. While I could go on about how wonderful these people are, I'll instead give examples of new habits that I have formed because of these people opening up their homes, their lives, and their hearts to me.

1. The moment I am conscious in the morning, I thank G-d.
2. I wash my hands when I get up.
3. I use the bathroom and thank G-d for the ability to use the bathroom.
4. I say my morning blessings, the Shema, and the Amidah before starting the day.
5. I pray the Wayfarer's Prayer as I leave town for work and every weekend when I go to shul.
6. I listen to music that blesses, thanks, and praises G-d on my way to work as well as throughout the day (though I did this before all this - just now it is in Hebrew).
7. I say a blessing before eating anything (even a peanut).
8. I say a blessing after eating (even after a snack).
9. If work is stressful, I say Tehillim during lunch. Regardless, I say it every day.
10. I listen to Hebrew videos while grading papers.
11. I pray in the afternoon and evening every chance I get.
12. I give of my time, money, and resources knowing (now) that I am not the only one doing this and it is normal and encouraged.
13. I say Kiddush and Havdalah.
14. I bake Challah (and share it!).
15. I light candles and say a blessing.
16. I drive to shul (though I would rather live there already and not have to drive).
17. I eat kosher and have even separated meat and dairy in my fridge and freezer (though I still don't have a kosher kitchen. How could I?).
18. I say a bedtime prayer (which I have always done).
19. I study - a lot! (not only Hebrew).
20. I study the Tanach with a study group

Though some of this I was already doing, it has been so helpful to see others practice as well.

On Shabbat, I get to focus on what others do, or what they don't do. I get to focus on their traditions and routines, their family bonds, their stories, their humor, their wisdom.

Then I have hours that I get to process what I've seen and heard and talk with G-d about it and about my future or just thank him for allowing me to have those experiences.

This season in my life is very hard. I understand why Judaism is not for everyone and G-d has to want a person converted for it to occur. Conversion is hard. On Shabbat though, it isn't. Nothing (except the six hours of driving and leaving everyone behind when I come home) is hard on Shabbat.

It's only been five months since I have attending shul and less than that since I started becoming part of the community there. Some friends it feels like I have known for years and others, I still don't remember their names.

Every day that I get to go to shul and pray, hear the Torah being read, and hear a message, I thank G-d that I was able to have that experience with him. On days that I don't make it (twice in the past five months), I tell him how much I missed it and how much I wish I could have been there.

Some days the world is cruel and people are cruel. Some days I am exhausted from work. Some days my brain feels like jelly and I am overwhelmed with learning and what I still need to learn. Some days the world is just too much. Then there is Shabbat.

Thank you G-d for Shabbat.