The Guinea Pig Files. Tales of Ralph, Toby and Graham |
Angus Brosnigag's Startling Entertainments Presents... The Extraordinary Ventriliquilismistic and Meritorious Manual Manipulations of Mr Adhere Ennium. (Performed twice daily on unicycle 3 p.m. (matinee) and 7 p.m. Cheap rates for Groundhogs, Tuesdays only) Please Note that there will be NO refunds, and further that claims for psychiatric treatment needed as a result of watching this act, should be addressed to Mr. Clarence Bootpolish, The Lost Luggage Dept, (Sandringham). GUINEA PIG ONE (Ralph): He's not so bad I suppose... Once you get to know him. GUINEA PIG TWO (Toby): Who's that then? Ralph: This Adherennium chap, he's not so bad. GUINEA PIG THREE (Graham): Gottle of Geer, Gottle of Geer, Gweep! (Ralph and Toby frown collectively at Graham) Toby: You want to be careful Ralph, he's putting words into your mouth. Ralph: Don't be silly. DO I sound as though I'm talking nonsense? (Graham and Toby exchange glances) Graham: Don't I get any more lines in this one? Toby: I think he's saved some bleak commentary on modern life for you Graham. Ralph: I'm herring that.... sorry, I'm hEArring that it coming right up. Graham: A million housewives every day, pick up a tin of beans and say "Well I suppose I can just about still afford them, providing I don't buy brand name, dear they are, twice as much just because their German or something, I should cocoa. Not that I can afford cocoa though. Ralph: This is tedious, did he really imagine that it's funny? Toby: I don't think he cares any more. He has a PhD now. Graham: What does a Pretty hot Dog have to do with anything? Ralph: If it comes with ketchup and mustard it has everything to do with everything. [Fortunately at this point the RSPCGP (Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Guinea Pigs) intervened and put a stop to the cavianine ramblings] |