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Rated: 18+ · Book · Comedy · #2312723
The Guinea Pig Files. Tales of Ralph, Toby and Graham
#1062954 added January 25, 2024 at 1:08pm
Restrictions: None
Angus Brosnigag's Startling Entertainments Presents...
Angus Brosnigag's Startling Entertainments Presents...

The Extraordinary Ventriliquilismistic and Meritorious Manual Manipulations of Mr Adhere Ennium.

(Performed twice daily on unicycle 3 p.m. (matinee) and 7 p.m. Cheap rates for Groundhogs, Tuesdays only)

Please Note that there will be NO refunds, and further that claims for psychiatric treatment needed as a result of watching this act, should be addressed to Mr. Clarence Bootpolish, The Lost Luggage Dept, (Sandringham).



GUINEA PIG ONE (Ralph): He's not so bad I suppose... Once you get to know him.

GUINEA PIG TWO (Toby): Who's that then?

Ralph: This Adherennium chap, he's not so bad.

GUINEA PIG THREE (Graham): Gottle of Geer, Gottle of Geer, Gweep!

(Ralph and Toby frown collectively at Graham)

Toby: You want to be careful Ralph, he's putting words into your mouth.

Ralph: Don't be silly. DO I sound as though I'm talking nonsense?

(Graham and Toby exchange glances)

Graham: Don't I get any more lines in this one?

Toby: I think he's saved some bleak commentary on modern life for you Graham.

Ralph: I'm herring that....

sorry, I'm hEArring that it coming right up.

Graham: A million housewives every day, pick up a tin of beans and say

"Well I suppose I can just about still afford them, providing I don't buy brand name, dear they are, twice as much just because their German or something, I should cocoa. Not that I can afford cocoa though.

Ralph: This is tedious, did he really imagine that it's funny?

Toby: I don't think he cares any more. He has a PhD now.

Graham: What does a Pretty hot Dog have to do with anything?

Ralph: If it comes with ketchup and mustard it has everything to do with everything.

[Fortunately at this point the RSPCGP (Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Guinea Pigs) intervened and put a stop to the cavianine ramblings]
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