The Guinea Pig Files. Tales of Ralph, Toby and Graham |
GUINEA PIG ONE (Ralph): We've got it. We've got the gig. GUINEA PIG TWO (Toby): The gig? Ralph: Yes, the Christmas gig, it's on. Toby: The Cutesy Christmas Critters Really Sweet (and Cute) Nativity for Very Small Children Everywhere? Ralph: That's the one. GUINEA PIG THREE (Graham): If you shall chance, Camillo, to visit Bohemia, on the like occasion whereon my services are now on foot, you shall see, as I have said, great difference betwixt our Bohemia and your Sicilia., Gweep! (Ralph and Toby share a worried glance.) Toby: Err! Very... nice Graham. Ralph (Shrugging, which is actually quite difficult for a guinea pig, (or at least so I imagine)): Moving on. So the Nativity has a whole host of groundhogs, monkeys, quokkas, Toby: What's a quokka. Graham: Happy looking Australian critters. Toby (Puzzled): Oh! Right. Ralph (coughing and continuing): Capybaras and of course US! Toby: And what are we playing. Ralph: Three wise Guinea Pigs of Orient are. Toby: We're football hooligans? Ralph (Very puzzled): No..o. We come from the East. Toby: That's right, East London. Ralph: Toby. What are you on about? Toby: Leyton Orient Football Club in East London. Ralph: It's times like these I wish I could facepalm. Look, it's nothing to do with football alright? We play three wise guinea pigs who are versed in the astrological arts and see a star and follow it. Toby: Ah, I get it now. So we're sort of paparazzi? Ralph: Toby so help me... Graham (Who is feeling left out): Graham goes for Gold, Ralph, you can have Frank's Incense and we can farm the Myrrh off on Toby. Toby: Myrrh off Graham. Ralph: Will you two pack it in. We're going to get banned if you come out with things like that Toby. Graham: Let's finish with a song. Ralph: Gosh. I didn't know we sang that well. |