Wanda's Ramblings

Ethics

Ethics is, by nature, a complicated subject of thought or study. My personal view of ethics, or morality, has changed throughout my lifetime. I can see that much of what I thought was right or wrong over the years was based mostly on my needs and much less on societal or personal morality. In other words, if I wanted something or wanted to use something to make myself feel differently I would irrationally justify it based more on my perceived need than whether it was right or wrong.
This brings up numerous questions I have asked myself over the last few years on my journey of self-discovery. Probably the hardest and most important part of the journey was to admit to myself that I had made conscious decisions to act immorally. I had never been able to look at any of my behavior or consequences with any real degree of honesty until I worked the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous.
The 12 steps were a wonderful tool to look at myself with. The only real ingredient needed was rigorous honesty. I found the honesty out of desperation because I did not want to drink again, and the steps seemed the only way to stop. All I wanted at the time was the magical removal of the obsession to drink that was promised if I worked the steps. What I found was a set of tools to deconstruct my past life and past behavior objectively. It was by no means easy, but I feel that I got a lot more out of it than I put in.
Throughout my life, I had known, mostly through religious teachings and research, that if I could take an honest look at myself and make amends things would be ok. I always heard in the church that I should repent, and I knew that was a good and sound idea I just did not know how, and the church never seemed to have any answers on that part. At least none that I could understand or follow. I thought that many of my fellow churchgoers were putting on a good act and had no more of a clue of what it was all about than I did. Either way, the church never did all that much for me. What I have found in recovery is that I never put the action behind my assumed morals.
As I worked through the steps in recovery I began, mostly through steps 9 and 12, to put action behind my words and intentions. The simple act of telling someone I knew I had harmed them and making a meager start at amends, step 9, suddenly relieved me of my self-imposed mental prison. Then when I was willing to help others through step 12 by sponsoring, telling my story, and showing up at meetings I began to feel that power that the Big Book and the Christians had talked about.
With that power at my disposal, I was able to begin to look at my decisions and behavior through a moral lens and see myself for who I really am. What I have found also is that through the power of the steps I was able to put my past to bed and not continue to let it run my current life. With that settled I can generate more ethical thoughts and behavior based on a better, to me, moral code.
I think I have always had an innate sense of right and wrong but that never seemed to stop me much and I just did what I wanted. At first, I saw that behavior causing me more trouble and harm than good. So initially I was going along with and imitating the people that I felt were good or moral such as my sponsor. As I began to get better results and rewards with this new behavior it started to become my new normal.
Now that I was beginning to conform my behavior to a more societal and personal moral code I started to evaluate my reasons for doing the things I did. This is where I was able to look at my true values and beliefs. My friend and therapist Alan always used to say that I needed to bring my values to a current status and I could not figure out what that meant, and he would not spell it out for me. Today I understand what he meant. To bring my values to a current status means to bring my actions in line with my beliefs. When I was acting against my beliefs I was always in conflict with myself.
Much like a couple that is fighting and bickering they are therefore not effective and make poor decisions. In the same manner, when I am in conflict with myself, I am not effective and make poor decisions. When I begin to act in a manner consistent with my beliefs I am no longer in conflict and that harmony continues to expand and my behavior and decisions continue to align with my true nature.
As Shakespeare wrote the lines for Polonius in Hamlet, “This above all: to thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man” if I am true to myself I cannot be false to others because I would no longer be true to myself.
Now this is all well and good if I only look at my personal ethics and ignore societal ethics. From where I am looking today my personal ethics seem to line up pretty well with most of society's more generic moral code. As for the rest of society’s morals, my personal morals are a bit at odds with some of them, but then again I do not agree or conform to all of society's norms anyway.