Down The Rabbit Hole

B. 2. "Drowning in Tears"

"Drowning in Tears"

Create a blog entry (or static item) telling about the saddest event of your life. (<1000 words)

Word Count: 395



         April 23, 2014 was the worst day of my entire life. I had to make a decision that I hope never to face again, and it was the day my husband died.

          He became ill in 2011, to the point where I had to quit work to stay home and care for him. He had gone into bilateral kidney failure and had to be placed on dialysis. One of his trips to dialysis resulted in a broken neck. The medical transport people failed to strap in his wheelchair. It tipped when the driver took an off-ramp from the freeway too fast. They had put him in a Convalescent Hospital due to the level of care that he needed. It was hard to hear him beg to come home. I talked and pleaded with the doctors, and because I was an RN they agreed to let me care for him at home, full time. He was happy until he took a turn for the worse. That was November 2013. He went into respiratory arrest, and I had him transferred to the ER. I called for a "Full Code" to be initiated, and the doctor who tried to intubate him had gone into the esophagus and put a hole in it.

         He was transferred to an L.A. Hospital for repair of his esophagus. While there, he suffered a bilateral below-the-knee amputation due to his diabetes. Several months passed, things began to level out, and he came home briefly.

         The next trip to the E.R. was his last. He was placed on a respirator and remained there for several weeks. He needed surgery on his neck, but the doctors felt he was too weak.
They placed him in a HALO device instead.

          The doctors finally came to me and told me that there was nothing more that they could do for him, and I had to decide to leave him as is or turn the machine off. They reminded me that the respirator was the only thing keeping him alive, but he would remain unresponsive.

         I can't remember how many prayers, tears, thinking, and talking to my husband, Barry had passed. It seemed an eternity's worth. I prayed for his forgiveness and had the respirator
discontinued.