Writing Blog Number 2

20240629 When Life Gets In The Way

When Life Gets In The Way

So, this was in a recent newsletter I received (from K.M. Weiland, for those playing at home), and is something that came up in my recent post about the Muddy Middle ("20240627 Motivation In The Middle" ) recently.

How do you keep on writing when LIFE gets in the way?

See, that’s the problem. With very few exceptions, most writers need to have a life in order to (a) earn money to stay alive, (b) keep spouses/ children/ significant others happy, (c) study effectively, (d) not go insane, and/or (e) any or all of the above.

So, here are some techniques you can use to get that write-work-life balance that is apparently so important to be a healthy, functioning member of what we shall call society.

A lot of this will seem like a repeat of combatting writer’s malaise ("20240517 Combatting Writer's Malaise" ) I mentioned earlier, and, yes, the two are related.

So, some ways to combine a “life” and your writing. As usual with advice like this, not all of it is going to work for everyone, and so take and pick what works for you.


1. Work out how serious you are about your writing
First and foremost – is writing a hobby, a passion, a means for an income, a compulsion, or a mix of some of these? How important writing is in your life and scheme of things should be where you first approach this. Maybe even establish a list of priorities. Where does writing fit? In my case – kids first, writing second, and if I had a relationship it would be third, if I had a job, fourth. But that is me. Is writing your first priority, or your tenth? It doesn’t matter, but you need to be honest with yourself.
         You need to remember that the lower on your list of priorities life falls, the more life there is that can potentially get in the way of the writing. So, if writing is a hobby, eighth on your list of priorities, then life getting in the way is expected and is more urgent for you. And that is perfectly fine and valid. But you need to be honest here.


2. Identify Your Pain Points
This is directly from Weiland’s newsletter, and I could not think of a better term. This is identifying which elements of your life are those causing the greatest blockage to you being able to write? Is it something you have set a higher priority on, or something that you just can’t get out of? Is it something that just distracts you?
         Again, make a list. It could be you’re too tired, you have chores, you get distracted by social media, you watch TV, anything. Which of these are important? Which are not? With a list you can work out which are important, and which are not. And this then becomes shedding those unimportant aspects.


3. Minimizing Distractions
Now that we have worked out the priorities and everything else, we have to be strong. Because this is where the unproductive activities that take time away from writing need to be discarded. I don’t mean give them up all together, but minimising them. And, really, you would be surprised how easy it is to give them up. I watch TV maybe 5 hours a week, and use social media (excluding WdC) maybe once or twice a week. Of course, I am still falling into Internet rabbit holes when researching for stories, but that is something I am slowly getting down to a better level as well.
         This might even be something like putting the dog outside, locking the cat in the laundry, turning the phone to “airplane mode” or putting the kids in front of the TV watching something you hate. But the distractions are not your priority, and you need to keep that in mind.


4. Schedule
The best way to do this is to set a schedule. A time when each of the priorities can be slotted into a day can be worked out, based around times of things you know. And so that means setting aside a set time each day for writing. It does not need to be a few hours – it can be a mere fifteen minutes or so – but schedule it. And write this schedule down.


5. Tell everyone what you are doing and why, and how important this is
You are not going to be able to do this on your own if you live in a household with others. Those you live with need to be on board with what you are trying to achieve. For example, if you have a partner who scoffs at this and does not value your writing, then I would be asking questions.
         Do not hide this from anyone. It might end up resulting in you writing stuff to entertain 3 year olds (experience talking here), or having to share early draft with family, but they will soon grow sick of it and leave you to do your thing because they know it is your thing.


6. Form a habit
Schedule writing time, let everyone know, set it as a priority… all of this should lead into the act of writing becoming a habit. And the habit will not just be yours, but your family’s. They will know when to leave you alone, what times and what activities tell them to solve non-urgent problems themselves. And if you are not writing, you will be asked, “Why aren’t you writing?” that is a good thing – it shows your family is on board with what you are doing.


7. Give writing the right amount of time
This is something that leads on from the previous two. Do not set your writing schedule at such a low level that you will not get anything meaningful done, and don’t set it at such a high level that nothing else gets done and other priorities are ignored. You need to work out for yourself how much time is “right”, to be writing regularly. Everyone is different, no specific amount of time is better than any other.
         You also need to realise that when you are on a roll with writing, the schedule could go out the window. Especially during NaNoWriMo, I have been known to write for a solid 14 hours. And your family needs to be aware of that. But, in general, make sure you assign yourself a personally realistic daily writing habit.


8. Life and writing are not separate
Writing is a part of your life, it is not a separate entity you can slip into like the wardrobe to Narnia. Trying to slot writing in around “life” is the wrong mindset – writing is a part of your life and should become such. This can be really hard for those with families, as it feels like you are neglecting those you prioritise more than others in order to indulge in a selfish, solo endeavour. But that is what the previous things have been saying – writing is a part of your life, not separate from it, and it needs to be made to feel as such.
         Make writing a part of your everyday, a part of your “life” and that feeling of there being a disconnect between the two should eventually fade. And then you will see all the writing prompts that exist around you in the everyday and the mundane. And, really, how can we write meaningfully when we have not lived a life?


9. Find support systems
A support system is not just something that comes from within the family and the home. To keep this going, you could well find that you need an external support system that you can vent to about the things not working with your writing… or your life. I don’t necessarily mean a mental health professional, a therapist, a counsellor, or the like – it could just be a fellow writer. Yes, I think it needs to be someone who knows what it means to try to write and be the sort of creative person who needs to get those words out. This could be a person IRL, or even a member of an online writing community, but having that support system to give you the confidence to keep writing can be important.


10. Life will still get in the way!
No matter what we do, no matter how well we schedule, no matter how good those habits are, life will still get in the way. Illness, work, delays, car breakdowns, kid sport events – life finds a way.
         Here’s the most important advice here: Don’t beat yourself up over it! Life is going to happen, and there are always going to be events we are unprepared for. Writing is like everything else – you have to work around these extraordinary happenings and just get on with things the best you can.
         And that is key to all of this – we cannot control everything. Sometimes we have to go with the flow and come back to whatever normalcy is when we can.


I don’t mean to be prescriptive; this is all merely advice. You might have other ways of dealing with non-writing life, and if they work for you, excellent. But if you are having trouble, I hope this has been of some help to everyone.