Complex Numbers

Two Much

We all know I like Cracked. This is partly because, like me, they try to be amusing and informational at the same time.

Sometimes, that doesn't work out on one front or the other.

    Companies That Make Only Two Wildly Different Products  
It’s usually a bad idea for, say, a coffee shop to start selling auto parts

As a business, diversifying your product line is a surefire way to grow your customer base...

Not always.

Some companies, however, decide that they do two things. Two things only. Two wildly different things only.

5. Guinness

It’s not just a coincidence of nomenclature — the Guinness Book of World Records is the same Guinness that produces the world’s carbiest beer.

No.

I mean, yes, originally. Guinness reportedly started the World Records book as a way for pub-goers to settle bets, as the article notes. Later, the publication (which I'll call GWR) got sold to another company, with rights to the name.

That company then eliminated every world record related to drinking, on safety (read: liability) grounds.

While I understand their reasons, this ripped them from their roots. Would you call a piece of paper and a tree the same thing? No. Then GWR has nothing to do with the Irish manufacturers of dark and delicious malt beverage.

Guinness, the brewer, also sells merchandise, and even has showrooms for it. I've been in one in Las Vegas. Well, at least they did pre-pandemic, and I can't be arsed to see if they're still doing that. Point is, though, not only is GWR no longer affiliated with Guinness, but even if they weren't, Guinness would be selling more than two products.

4 Coors

Yep, the company that makes beer as cold as the Rockies is also involved in the production of high-tech ceramics.

I would argue that they don't make beer, but I'm admittedly a snob on the subject.

Also, it's Molson Coors now, and they suck even harder than AB/InBev, which at least has the decency to (mostly) leave craft brewers to their own devices when they Hoover them up.

3 Yamaha

The customers for Yamaha keyboards and motorcycles couldn’t be more different, and technically, they’re not the same company.

As noted, they're not the same company, so this shouldn't count, either. Also, why can't bikers be keyboardists, or vice-versa?

2 Bridgestone

Bridgestone is another Japanese company that successfully divided itself, not out of prudent business sense but for the love of the game — literally.

Tires and golf balls? Come on, they're both round, dimpled, and made of synthetic rubber.

1 Michelin

Speaking of tires, it’s often said that the Michelin tire company created their restaurant rating system to get people to drive more and wear down their tires faster, but it’s a little more complicated than that.

Okay, I'm going to grant them this one.

In 1900, people had to be convinced to buy and drive cars at all, so Michelin began publishing car-specific travel guides that included where to get gas, what time the sun set at different times of year (because there were no street lights), and yes, the best hotels and restaurants.

In the US, at least, there was another, way worse reason to have to know sunset times.

Now you know, once our car-centric society has destroyed the planet and global warming kills us all, you can blame the French.

Technically, the Industrial Revolution only kicked into high gear after Nicolas Léonard Sadi Carnot figured out the whole "thermodynamics" thing, so we might as well blame the French.