Curious Incidents of a Flailing Mermaid

Push [Barrel of Monkeys]

Our next stop on our Sarah McLachlan tour is Push, which was on the Aftetglow album (2004)



This is one of my favourite Sarah songs I think. But over time, it has meant different things to me. Now it just makes me smile and think of my husband ... who I do love, just to be clear 😂

Push is an all-out love song. It was written for Sarah's husband after she suffered from post-natal depression.

Now, I wouldn't say I'm a love song kind of girl. I don’t lie around listening to smushy love songs, trying to find hidden signs or meanings. That’s not me. But sometimes, you like what you like, and you just need to embrace that.

I remember getting the Afterglow album just as I was heading away on a two-week swim camp. I took the album with me and listened to it in my downtime.

I was 18 or 19 and living with my partner at the time. I thought I was hopelessly in love and had gotten lucky to have already had found the person I would be with forever. Please, I was 18, for god sake!

When I came to listen to Push, I was adamant that it absolutely said everything I felt about my partner. So, I told them this and said they had to listen to it! It was so perfect.

Later, when I hated this person... who saw that coming?... this song made me mad, and it made me cry. It was a long time before I could listen to it without crying. As it turned out, the person I thought I loved was the complete opposite of the person in this song.

Now, many years later, I have a husband who really does fit the bill. He's kind and supportive, and he makes me feel less crazy.

Although, occasionally, he is the cause of the crazy, too.

I have played this song to my husband and told him that it often reminds me of him, but I haven’t attached it to him. Instead, I mostly attach Push to myself.

I now play this song as a reminder of the kindness I need to show myself to keep going when things feel tricky.

I get mad so easy but you give me room to breathe
No matter what I say or do ’cause you’re to good to fight about it
Even when I have to push just to see how far you’ll go
You wont stoop down to battle but you never turn to go