Poisoned Purple Pen

Family - War - Health. I'm a mess

It seems I haven't written in my blog in forever.

And today, I'm just so damn depressed I need an outlet. I'm going to apologize now for what this rant may entail as I'm writing on the fly, and I'm working the counter at the gas station, so there's that.

Health-wise, I have no idea what's going on with me there. All I know is that my ultrasound came back almost normal. There is a clue that I should have my AC1 checked since diabetes runs on both sides of my family. I don't see that as a huge deal; whatever that outcome is, I can manage it.


- Warning - Warning - Warning - profanity is definitely coming!

I swear to God, I do not know what is worse at this damn point. My blood relatives in America [and I include my step-family in that] or all of my husband's family who are suffering through another fucking war by a genocidal evil monster. Satanyahu, yep, that's what I call him, is a massive piece of shit IMO.

Most of R's family is in Beirut, except a few, including his 90-year-old mother, who is up in the mountains where we have a house. One I haven't seen since January 2017, mind you.

I admit that I have a big mouth on social media. I hate seeing evil done - to anyone - and what has been allowed to continue in Gaza pisses me off on the daily. I admit it. It's slaughter, and if I have to hear the phrases:

-right to protect itself
-human shields
-God's chosen people
-Started on October 7th
-Oops, collateral damage

One more goddamned time, I may physically haul off and hurt someone.

Personally, I don't give two shits about religion. I grew up Catholic and married a Muslim. I don't practice my born into religion. I practice believing in a higher power, spirituality, not being a shitheel of a human, trying to help others when I can, not tacking more shit onto another, and if that's not good enough, then Fuck it! I believe in Karma. The good you do comes back to you, which also applies to the bad. That's it.

For the life of me, I will never understand this fucked up policy of the US government to bend over and take it in the ass by an apartheid state. No matter what you think about Israel, that is what they are. Open air prisons, blaming Hamas for every damn thing, investigating their selves. I mean, that's classic there. Suppose you're Israeli and you do wrong [stealing Palestinian homes, lands, burning their houses down, shooting them because you are a settler]. In that case, they look the other way, but a Palestinian kid throwing a rock gets starved, beaten, locked up, and shackled for decades.

How is Abu Graib prison and all the horrible things the US Army did a stain on America, but this insanity, including raping Palestinian prisoners with objects so severely that they are dying, crippled, injured for life, not a stain on Israel? Oh, that's right, they are God's chosen people shitstains. My bad.

Since leveling Gaza wasn't enough, and the Zio Biden Administration is all up BiBi's ass, now they have a free pass. And billions more of my goddamn tax dollars to turn Lebanon into the next Gaza and West Bank.

Israel is already hitting places they have never touched. Ever. I spent my entire weekend live streaming the bombing and living on What's app trying to assure my family that they would be safe.

I am a survivor of the 2006 War between Hez and Iz, trapped there like a rat, waiting for George W Bush to come up with a fucking evacuation plan because the US didn't have one. Go figure. I've witnessed the horrors, not on the same scale as Gaza, or the Sabra/Shatila massacres that my husband fled from, walking over dead burning bodies and trying to drown out the screams of Palestinians that Israel ran over and buried alive, but enough to see these horrors with my own damn eyes.

I was never a fan of Hez. They did a lot of rotten shit. I don't applaud Hamas, but I do not for one second believe that shit story Iz told on Oct 7 about raping, beheaded babies, cooked children, and whatever other propaganda they put out to the world, that my own dirty Government continues to parrot as truth. And if you want the truth, look no further than Haretz, who came out and admitted 95% of the Israili claims were bullshit. That 1200 death toll number, I highly doubt that 600 of them were done by Hamas. Why? Because 20 US-made Apache helicopters went after that musical festival and shot at everything that moved. So keep blaming Hamas and innocent Palestinians for all this disgusting bloodshed.

You can call me crazy, a terrorist sympathizer, blast me for maintaining my stance that Israel is a terrorist state, etc. I've been called worse online. I no longer care.

All I know is, I refuse to vote for either party, screw the whole lesser of two evils crap they've been hitting me with most of adult life. What has this government done for American citizens? Veterans? Homeless? Not a whole hell of a lot. We feed the war machine. That's the US government's profit business, that's all they truly care about.

Now where has my American family been since this started? Feeling horrible on day one in October 2023. Since then? Not a peep. When Hez and Iz were volleying back and forth, which Israel started btw on Oct 7, sending warning shots so Hezbullah wouldn't interfere, did anyone reach out? Say a word? Nope. When pagers blew up all across Lebanon, did my blood family contact me? Nope. How about when Hez leaders were being targeted in Beirut? Nope.

On Sunday, Sept 22nd, my brother-in-law fell down the stairs and broke his femur. Now I know what a painful and devastating thing that is, because my employee went through the same thing two years ago. They get him to the hospital, 2 days later, moved hospitals, now they were all over Facebook trying to get people to donate O negative because the hospitals were out of blood. Finally get people to donate, and guess what? No fucking bags to collect the blood, so don't send anyone one to donate. It took until Friday to get him the surgery he desperately needed. And then they sent him home on Saturday, because they needed beds for the people being injured in bombings.

We were up half the night on Friday, worried, watching the live feed from a few different channels. Every bomb that exploded took me back to 2006, feeling the ground shake beneath my feet, hearing the screams all over again and my husband's family trying to reassure me that they never hit that area we all live in. Which was true. Until last night when those fuckers struck a building at the Cola intersection. My nephew hadn't made it home yet, and if he'd been two minutes slower in crossing that intersection, I cannot fathom to guess what would've happened to him. We stayed up again last night watching that shit unfold. Did my family call? Still not a damn word.

I get it. They don't want to talk about Gaza. They don't want to hear us complain about our government, the billions we spend on endless wars, the trap of the Dems and Repubs, because I don't believe either one of them truly care about any of us. As long as we are working so they can tax us multiple times on the same money and fall in line, they don't give a shit.

I'm sure this entire rant session was a disaster as, I'm just all over the place.

Two hours, and I'm off shift, so I can go home and wallow. Yet it's tax day. I have to scrounge up the almighty dollar to pay my property taxes to the man.

Think I need to take a good deep breath as well. Couldn't hurt.

Oh, and if any of my blood family happen upon this. Thanksgiving? Not feeling it. Christmas either. Don't pretend to care now when I don't open my house for you all to come to the trough and act like you suddenly feel really bad.