My Conversion Story Journal

October 26, 2024

The high holidays are over. Simchat Torah is a holiday that celebrates the love of Torah, the love of Hashem, and the love of being a Jew.

I feel that I am blessed to look at Simchat Torah with a different lens than everyone else I know. Last year was my first year experiencing Simchat Torah. On that day, 1200 people were murdered by terrorists and over 200 were taken captive. 120 still remain captive. That day was approximately my 6th time attending synagogue. I would have to look back in journal to that time to see exactly, but I know it wasn't long that I had attended. People asked me for months after if I was sure that I wanted to convert. Why do I not just stay B'nei Noach? After Simchat Torah, it is easier to explain.

One year ago, I watched as those people that I was just getting to know wept for people they had never met that were killed and worried about those that they knew that could have been in danger come together and pray. I also saw them joyful and celebrate their heritage and the Torah. I saw them finish reading the Torah and begin again. They prayed, they questioned, they anxiously waited news, they read the Torah, and they celebrated the Torah. It was an experience that I had never had in my life.

Since that day, as a woman who just showed up one day and never left, I have been accepted and loved. I have watched them (and participated) pray for hours on end. I have seen them weep, fundraise, and do all they can for those that died, those that remain in captivity, and those that are fighting for their freedom. All of this was done with words from the Tanach and complete faith in G-d.

Over the past year, I have also seen them celebrate what it means to be Jewish. I have seen them celebrate their love and friendship for one another. I have seen them remember those that couldn't make it to pray in the synagogue by creating and delivering packages on holidays, as well as celebrate each other's successes, joys, life cycles, and accomplishments. All of this celebrating was done with words from the Torah and thanksgiving to G-d.

This year on Simchat Torah, I saw them remember the 1200 that died that day in a very moving and memorable way. They prayed for them, they did mitzvas in honor of them, and they danced with them while dancing with the Torah scrolls. I also saw them pray for hours blessing G-d, thanking G-d, and petitioning for G-d to intervene in their lives and in the land of Israel.

Just like last year, they grabbed my hand and asked me to dance with them. They taught me the songs that I did not know. They gave me a bracelet that says, "JEWISH WOMEN UNITE." They welcomed me to the tribe. (Their actual words).

It was this Simchat Torah that gave me clarity of words as to why I not only want to study Judaism (which I admit fully that I love doing), but also to be a Jew.

I have never known anyone who loves the Torah, the Tanach, and all of G-d's word as much as me, until now. I have never known anyone else that wants to show G-d's love like I do, until now. I have never known anyone who is so supportive of others just because they are who they are, until now. There is no group of people that I know who want to serve G-d as much these people.

I grew up wondering why I was so different than everyone else. I dressed different. I thought different. I acted different. I never understood why there wasn't anyone out there like me. Simchat Torah is the day that shows me that I am not different than everyone else. I was just around the wrong people. There are people like me. Wonderful and amazing people that I am so blessed to know and to meet (some even just once). In fact, there is an entire nation of people who are like me.

When I stand before the throne of G-d and am judged, there is no other people that I want to stand with other than the Jewish nation.