Complex Numbers

Blond Man's Bluff

Sometimes, I link to Cracked for its take on serious topics. Sometimes, though, it's because of jokes.

    The Funniest Blonde Jokes Ever Told  

Historical blonde jokes aren’t as well-documented as other classics, like fart jokes, for example.

Fart jokes may be "classic" (the oldest recorded joke is one of them), but they are the lowest form of humor, unlike highbrow amusements such as dead-baby jokes.

The people who study this type of thing tend to agree that they’re just lazily recycled versions of older jokes, that replace racism and xenophobia with sexism.

Yeah, not exactly a step up.

But the genre does have some notable subversions!

The thing about subversion is you need to be familiar with the thing that's being subverted, and hardly anyone tells blonde jokes anymore, so some people might not get the twists.

5 ‘The First Officially Recorded Dumb Blonde’

This is included for historical context.

Catherine-Rosalie Gerard Duthé was a French nun, ballet dancer and courtesan in the late 18th and early 19th centuries.

We should be concentrating on French jokes, not dumb blonde jokes.

She had a particularly notable habit of “pausing for extended periods of time before speaking.” Some might call this act “thinking,” but the French decided this made her dumber than a beret full of baguettes.

One wonders whether this contributed directly to the French Revolution.

4 Meta Blonde Jokes

You know how a blonde joke works. A brunette, a redhead and a blonde do something, the blonde does it wrong, because she’s dumb and incapable, the patriarchy grows stronger.

Worth going to the link just for the joke here.

3 The Counter-Revolution

A notable, though flawed, early ally was cartoonist Murat Bernard Young, who drew two extremely popular comic strips. Dumb Dora was about a space cadet brunette, while Blondie was about a smart, capable mother whose husband was the bumbling, glassy-eyed doofus.

The "bumbling, glassy-eyed doofus" trope continues to this day (Homer Simpson, e.g.), but apparently, it's okay to make men look stupid.

2 Existentialist Blonde Jokes

The New Yorker’s “Existentialist Blonde Jokes,” written by Alex Baia back in 2021, subverts some of the most tired blonde jokes out there...

I rag on The New Yorker on a regular basis, because it's pretentious as fuck, but one thing it's usually gotten right is comedy. I'll just copy one of the jokes here:

How do you drown a blonde?

Remind her that life is inane, repetitive and intrinsically meaningless.

1 Blonde Jokes for Men

Ever wonder about the difference between blonde and blond? It's not like gray/grey, which is largely a difference in US and UK/Commonwealth English. It's because "blond(e)" is French, so it possesses grammatical gender. Women are blonde; men are blond. It's one of those few words we stole from French that kept its inflections, like fiancé/fiancée.

Anyway, like I said, there's no need to specify the man's hair color. Many of us don't have any, anyway, and we're all stupid and bumbling, regardless of coiffure.