Daily Cascade

Understanding One's Own Self and Shadow Work

Prompt: Understanding One's Own Self
Which kinds of people can help others to understand themselves the most? And is or was there such a person in your life who has helped you understand yourself better?

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One of my uncles comes to mind. As a child growing up and later a teenager, I found a haven in one of my uncles. He always listened to me without judgment and if anything, he encouraged me to tell him even the most rotten things I did and even those I thought of doing even if I never did them. This uncle was also a writer, and we had literature in common, which we both enjoyed talking about. I learned a lot from him.

Whereas my mother was enforcing the rules, "do this, don't do that," sort of thing, my uncle was listening to my insides and encouraging me to face my shadowed side. It helped me, I think, much better than what those throwing directives at me. Come to think of it, it is possible that having both my mother and my uncle might have worked well on me during my formative years.

Maybe we need all kinds of input from those around us as we grow up. One-sided anything does become lop-sided, doesn't it!

Still, when I think of people who effectively help others understand themselves better, I think of those with listening skills, patience, empathy, and communication abilities. To top it all, the know-how or ability to put complex concepts in simple terms, a wish to help others, and a genuine interest in others' perspectives would make a really helpful person, be it he or she. This person maybe a therapist, a family member, or a friend.

After all this thinking about people helping others to understand themselves, I recall a Carl Jung quote that says:
“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.”

It is shocking to think how blind we are to our unconscious, of if you wish, call it subconscious. They may be the same or two different things, but it doesn't matter. I think they are related; however, I'm not all that familiar with today's vocabulary of the recent study of psychology.

Much of the psychologists of the early twentieth century , like Sigmund Freud, suggested that much of the self could be hidden in the unconscious mind. As I was very much interested in psychology, while I was studying other things in higher ed., I took some psychology courses earning myself what one might call a minor degree in such studies. At the time, Jung had just passed away and wasn't so well-known, at least not as well as Freud.

Then, only recently, I came across Jung's shadow work, which became of great interest to me, in my old age. This is because I think--with our traumas, joys, and all--self-understanding is a dynamic process that is or should be ongoing.

What is shadow work? I think of it as the underdog of our psyches. On the other hand, it is a very powerful underdog that only makes itself knows only on occasion, especially when we surprise ourselves with sudden unexplainable, unrelated or even unbecoming actions and feelings.

Knowing about our shadows or at least trying to understand them is like finding a goldmine. It gives one an immense power in oneself, and it also makes one stop blaming and scapegoating others. Also, if we are after being authentic, how is it possible that we keep hiding parts of ourselves, or even, not loving those parts!

Shadow work can be done with a therapist, true, but it has to be a therapist who is really good at what he or she is doing. Hard to find, and for people like me, hard to trust.

Still, in my opinion, the best shadow work is done on one's own. For this, a notebook and pen are the only tools, plus the promise to oneself to be 100% truthful. One begins that notebook-journal by answering shadow-work questions as truthfully as one can, making sure that notebook is only for the eyes of its writer.

Here are some shadow work questions from the web, in no certain order, but one can always pick and choose or come up with one's own questions.

https://seekingserotonin.com/shadow-work-journal-prompts/

https://selfhealjourney.com/2023/02/24/shadow-work-prompts/

https://www.rosebud.app/blog/shadow-work-journal-prompts

https://psychedelic.support/resources/50-shadow-work-journal-prompts/

https://www.reddit.com/r/ShadowWork/comments/16bdqa8/shadow_work_journal_prompts...

https://www.betterup.com/blog/shadow-work-prompts

https://www.scienceofpeople.com/shadow-work-prompts/