My Conversion Story Journal

November 17, 2024

There are two things that happened this weekend that I need to mention. It seems this journey, regardless of how long I have been on it, has twists and unexpected surprises and experiences.

1. My daughter, A1, came over to spend the night. She wanted to come over on a Friday night, which is the beginning of Shabbat. On Friday morning, the Rabbi's wife texted me and asked me to come to dinner. I messaged my daughter and asked her if she was up for having dinner at the Rabbi's house. She said she it would be okay. Up to this point, she has seen me light candles on Shabbat, but that is it. She never attended a Friday night dinner, never heard kiddush, and never washed for bread. She willingly crashed coursed her way through it. She was a bit overwhelmed by the amount of people there, and I worked to get her mind off of that part and enjoy listening to the talk, the food, and the singing. She helped with the set up of the food. She ate without complaining. She stood for kiddush and attentively listened (even though she didn't understand anything the Rabbi said in Hebrew or Yiddish). She washed her hands (with help on what to do and what to say). She answered questions and was polite. She was overwhelmed by the fact that we were there for 5 hours. She has never had a dinner last that long. I apparently warned her of the amount of people, but not the length of time that dinner would take. She was tired when we left, but didn't complain when we stopped at one of my friend's houses on the way home. She talked, relaxed there, and played with the dog. We stayed there for about hour before leaving. She accepted an invitation to come back next month during one of the nights of Hanukkah. It was her first experience with Shabbat (besides seeing me light candles when I first started).

I asked her what she thought about it. I told her to let it sink in and the next day to tell me her honest opinion. This is what she messaged me the next day.

"My opinion is that you're happy, and that makes me happy. You've found a family that you belong in and found a lifestyle that works for you. I enjoyed spending time with you and experiencing that with you. I look forward to next month."

I love you A1, and I am so blessed that you are my daughter.

2. I attended two classes this morning. One with the Rabbi who laughs on keeping a Shabbos Kitchen, and one with the Rabbi that glows on relationships. These Rabbis and these classes are one of the reasons why I fell in love with Judaism. I love the constant reference to the Torah as to why we should do things a certain way and to why we should behave a certain way. Keeping a Shabbos kitchen isn't all about what you should do and what you shouldn't do, even though that is certainly part of it, but there is so many reasons why we do what we do or don't do what we don't do, and it all goes back to the Torah. I love that the Rabbi who laughs always brings things back to the Torah as the main reason why any rule is in place. The second Rabbi's class is only a few weeks long, but every key point referred to verses in the Torah as to why that attribute is important to possess and who showed that attribute in the Torah.

On a weekend where I thought my personal life was going to be the main focus of the weekend, I am spiritually fulfilled today by the teachings of the Torah. The love of the Torah and being able to dive deeper into its meanings are why I wanted to learn about Judaism in the first place. The more that I learn, the more I want to learn. because the more I learn, the more that spirit feels full. The best way to describe the way that I feel when I attend a Jewish class full of Jewish wisdom is like this: Imagine you lost the keys to your house, not only the front door key, but every room key, every drawer key, every key to every appliance, and every key to every window. Then imagine that many, many years later you are offered a key to one of your drawers. You open the drawer and relish in the contents. That is how I feel after one class. I opened a drawer and get to relish in its contents.

My entire conversion journey is like a house where every door is locked, every drawer is locked, and every appliance is locked. As I go through the learning of the kitchen, go through the holidays, and attend classes on Torah and Jewish Wisdom, I unlock another thing all the while growing closer to the owner of the house, Hashem. Today I feel as though I unlocked an entire room that full of books that I now get to read and enjoy and learn from. Why can't I be just a B'nei Noach and why do I need to convert? Because it's the people that you have in your house that makes it a home. My daughter is right. I am happy. I am also extremely thankful to Hashem for being able to do this. I understand that this life is not for everyone, but it for me. I thank Hashem every day for being here in this moment at this time and able to do this ang to get closer to him.

Tonight I am going to the JCC (Jewish Community Center) to watch a movie on the October 7 massacre. After the movie, the director will be answering questions, and then one of the survivors of the Nova festival will be there to speak. I've been waiting for two weeks for this event, and now I don't know if I'm ready for it.